Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A Letter To My Sister

Dear Ashley,

I am sitting here while the boys sleep and I was thinking about your faith.  I know that you want to be just like me, o.k. well you ARE just like me and that makes me proud. I am proud that I have done enough in your 12 years (hee! hee!) o.k., o.k. 13 years here on this Earth to have made an impression on you. I hope that I can teach you many things about life and I hope that when you are old enough to understand them all that you will be guided as I have been. When I was little Grandma (Dads mom, whom you were never given the honor of meeting) used to take me to church every Sunday. At the time, it did not impact me as it should have. Instead, I would moan and groan that I wanted to be outside playing. Then we lost her. I lost my Mom. I lost Grandpa (who you did get the honor of meeting and I hope our final moments with him left an impression on you) and I began to wonder about life after death but it never really hit me until I became a Mommy. What happens when we are gone...
Now I have lost baby Tadem and in the depths of my grief I needed more than ever something to believe in.  
What I am saying is you are going to see me writing a lot more about my faith, about God and prayer.  I have never been a person to share my beliefs with others. I have always believed and I have always prayed but I did so in silence. I want you to understand that through Tadems passing I will no longer be hiding my belief.  I believe there is a God and I do intend to begin taking the boys to church when they are a bit older.  
When you think about life, it really is so very short. You never know at any moment when it will be over. This is not to scare you, this is simply to remind you that once we are gone we go to heaven.  We will be greeted by all those we have lost.  I want you whenever you are ready to find your faith.  You are a deep person as am I and you have two amazing parents. However, they both do not talk much about their faith in God. Daddy believes he just does so in private and that is where I learned to do it also.  CHRISTmas!  Christmas is not about presents and money. It is about Christ. It makes me sad that in the midst of all things material we have forgotten the meaning of the holiday and that is what drove me to write you this letter.  If you have questions, ask me. If you are unsure, that is o.k too. I just wanted you to know that I have faith and although I have never been forthcoming in sharing it with you, it's been there all along. I believe Tadem is in heaven surrounded by Gods everlasting love and am grateful for that.  
You are young and time will allow you to soak all of this in!  I haven't changed any, I am just sharing a private side of myself with you.  I wanted you to understand when I write what I write that it is a part of me I hope you aspire to be like one day and if you don't I will love you just the same.  You are an amazing sister, wise beyond your years in some areas. I am so grateful you are such an intricate part of our family and that the boys will know you so well growing up. Thank you for all you have ever done for me, thank you for looking up to me and wanting to be like me.  It is an honor to be your sister. 

Love you mean it,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That sure means a lot! You are such a great sister!

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