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Showing posts from 2015

A stream of consciousness on losing my Daddy...

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I will never forget where I was or how I felt in the moments leading up to “that moment”.  The suck the breath right out of your very body, suffocating, life will never, ever be the same “moment”.
As you may or may not know, I am pregnant. With #5! I know, holy shit right!  I thought that very same thing.  Anyway, pregnancy causes my migraines to heighten. That Friday night my brother Adam had come over to hang out because he is awesome like that. I was sick as hell, but trying desperately to avoid the hospital...again.  I woke up that Saturday worse than ever. Dave had to work so Adam took me, bless his heart.  They drugged me and gave me fluids all the while my brother waited patiently beside me.  He stepped out to give Dad a call to see how things were going at the State meet that morning.  He did not answer....
When Adam came back in the nurse said I was still pretty dehydrated and they wanted to give me another bag of fluids so I sent Adam on his way telling him I would call Dave f…
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Wowww.  It's been since November.  I would be surprised if I had any readers left, but I am a Mommy first.

I have spent all five days of this month, February, "heart month", CHD Awareness month, thinking about how I want to address the significance of it without sounding redundant.  If you have read my blog for any length of time, you have seen the many posts about Paxton.  His journey. His fight. His stunning bravery, of which I don't know that I would have in his shoes.  I have written about it all many times.  To me though, there is nothing redundant about it. Nothing redundant about living day to day wondering if he will wake up tomorrow, because guys, that is our reality. Panicking if he oversleeps. Holding my breath as he goes to ju jitsu and attempts to be a normal child, never quitting, not even for a second, while I sit and watch his lips turn blue as he exerts himself.  Waiting. Just waiting for the ball to drop.  There is nothing redundant about being a M…