Thursday, December 11, 2008

Rain Rain Go Away

Last night was a rough night but I made it through as I always do. It is raining so much today and it makes for dreary weather. Austin went to school and Mason and I went grocery shopping together. He loves the one on one time. Now the boys are napping and I just got off the phone with my favorite nurse Susan. She reminded me that everything I was feeling last night and everything that I continue to feel is completely normal. She is happy that I am expressing my grief because if I were to hold it all in, it would come out very ugly at some point. I just needed someone to tell me that I am ok, that I am allowed to grieve for however long I need to and that it takes time. I feel very rushed to get over this pregnancy. I do have two beautiful children and am so blessed it brings me to tears but I did have a third child and that child died. If I did not grieve or mourn that loss then I would not be a very good Mother. I continue to care for my children and am able to do so without them knowing that I have some bad days. If it means crying at night and blogging away so I can be alright in the morning then that's what I will do. Susan helped me to decide today to take what I feel will help me and leave the rest behind and thanks to her I feel empowered. Susan is a wise woman and just hearing her voice brings me to a place of peace. It has since the beginning when I was pregnant with Austin. I am blessed to have her to guide me through this. She reminds me there is sunshine ready to poke through the clouds.
She also told me a quote and I will never forget it and this is my goal from now until it is reached:
Healing is remembering without the pain...

What a beautiful day that will be.

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