We all know that when we go through something hard and ugly, scary and desperate that it changes us. It opens our eyes, makes us appreciate things in a new way. I had a sick baby. I spent a lot of time in a hospital with him. I watched him fight for his life. Then I had another baby. A healthy one. I knew things would be different with him in that I would be experiencing it all in a whole new light . What I did not know is just how deeply that would run.
My baby is one today.
It has hit me in such a profound way. This past year has been a bit surreal. Sure there were days where I lost it and couldn’t keep my head above water, but I never let it last for long. Mostly though, all of this past year was mother f ing incredible. The middle of the night feeds. The sheer exhaustion. The nursing round the clock. The still nursing one year later. The joy my boys all have for each other. The way any one of them will light up when they walk in and see “TT” or “Chumpy Wumpy”. The way this family has effortlessly expanded to let in this little boy who completes us.
Talon is breathtaking. His eyes, his smile, his laugh, his expressions, his raspy little voice, his laid back, go with the flow as long as he’s got us around self. I didn’t know it would be this amazing. 4 boys is a lot, but somehow this little boy of ours makes it easier. Better.
We laugh with and at him. We all cheer when he says something or claps his hands. The boys squeal my name “MOM!! TT, COME LOOK!” when they catch him trying to walk. We all dance around him to which he will immediately dance right back. The boys are to old for Mickey Mouse, but they watch it because “TT” loves it. They play with “baby toys” because it makes Talon happy. I find them all in his crib every morning playing with him even though I have told them not to many times. The risk is worth the love I suppose.
I have spent this year relishing every single moment. Relishing to a fault if that’s possible. Who knew one could “over relish”, but leave it to me to do so. I have had to learn to try to tame my emotions. To allow this to happen and be ok with moving forward. To be ok with him growing up and not being my baby forever. He will surely grow up fast with 3 older brothers, as much as I fight it. I go back down memory lane all the time and sometimes that is hard.
I am not ready to let go of this last year. It was that good.
I guess that’s to be expected when the years prior were so hard. Oh’ but watching him evolve into the little boy he is becoming does me in. Hits home just the same as laying in bed with a newborn curled into me.
I am reminded daily through my children that life is such a miraculous gift. We can take nothing when we go people. Just the love. And I am so grateful for this little boy who came in and healed this family so unknowingly. His little spirit is the balm for our wounds. He doesn’t know it. He won’t know for a long, long time what a gift he was to all five us. Now a party of SIX.
Happy, HAPPY birthday Talon. You are absolutely dreamy inside and out. Please never stop laying your head on my shoulder for random snuggles or laughing when I kiss you endlessly. Always smile at those big brothers of yours who adore you and may you continue to become as wonderful as they are. You, little boy, are wrapped in love for life. I pray your future is as bright as those baby blues of yours!
One year ago today you came into our world and changed it forever.
“Luh you T”,
Mommy, Daddy, Austin, Mason and Pax
Still crawling. Walks along things. Tries to stand alone.
Still nursing. REFUSES a bottle.
Sleeps through the night.
Loves a bath, a walk, going for a bike ride, when you pretend to chase him and Mickey Mouse.
Will eat ANYthing. Favorites being hummus, eggs, cottage cheese and broccoli.
Drinks from a straw.
All time favorite thing to do is dance. Has been since I first video’d him at 6 months old. Dances to music, tv, in the car or to nothing at all just to see us all giggle and jump for joy.
Loves books. Loves following brothers around the house. Opening cabinets and pulling everything out and yes....playing in the toilet if the door is left open.
Says Ma Ma, Da Da, Uh Oh and just recently Dog.
(all photo credits go to our babysitter, which is a word I so dislike because she is so much more to our family: Miss Jordan Zuccarello.)