Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
As it turns out, Paxton is ready to begin doing regular baby things. Like focusing on play and interaction with others (not that we don't do that already, but maybe others besides Mama). Like working on getting him on a ahem...schedule. We need to work on developing his head control and strengthening his neck muscles. All of these things, I am ready to do. I am tired of focusing on the meds and the monitors, not that we won't still have to focus on those, but we can add some fun things in there too. Let's work on busting out the play mats and the bumbo chair from baby cribs
Monday, December 28, 2009
To say the least I am a bit creeped out right now. I just went in, as I do every night numerous times, to check on my boys and see that they are snug as bugs in bed and yes... to see that they are breathing. I thought this habit would cease once they are older, but alas, it has not. So, I went in for one last check before heading to bed (and to write this) and Austin opens his eyes from a dead sleep and tells me, "I want hammer." He says this numerous times so I proceed to cover him with the blanket and tell him to go back to sleep. I will not lie, I had a moment there where I was waiting for him to turn all scary movie on me, so I scooted outta there and prayed he was just dreaming about the latest episode of Bob The Builder instead of the strange Chucky thoughts that fleeted through my mind there for a second.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
I had to post this picture of Austin showing off his new "kicks" because the child has a passion for shoes like nobody I have ever known. Why, I've no idea, but they appear to be some sort of comfort object to him...what do you think?
Every single night, he asks for his kicks before going to bed! As I have mentioned before, I choose to pick my battles in life and if he finds his kicks comforting then kicks he can have.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Now we've really done it!
Somehow I just don't think things will change any next year either! Never put this boy in front of his Mama and tell him he can't go to her. It's like putting chocolate in front of my sister and saying don't touch = )
As you all know Paxton turns very blue when he is cold. I have only attempted a real bath versus sponge once to which he turned a lovely smurfy color. Since then it's been all sponge baths. My husband is a wee bit jealous, I think. That is until I found this chair to put in the big tub. It allows me to fill up the tub with water all around him to keep him warm. Instead of using those big plastic bins that never really get the water on them unless they can sit up. I also got the grandiose idea of getting a space heater to keep in this bathroom to help warm the air while we are in there. I was amazed to find that they have an entire aisle of them here in sunny, typically 80 to 90 degree southwest Florida. Not sure the logic on this, but in any case I was psyched that I saved on shipping not having to order on online. Paxton takes his baths very seriously:
Dang, he looks like a WWF fighter in these pics! He's really a mere 12 pounds, but 12 pounds makes him a rock star!
I am not sure if the space heater that close to the tub is something my Mother wouldn't lecture me about = ) In fact, I will be counting the number of seconds it will take her to say something to me the first time she sees bath time!
How stinkin cute is he! I love snuggle time right after his bath. He smells so delicious that I just smother him in kisses!
Mama's boys!!! All 3 of them! Couldn't ask for anything more!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
As you can see, I have been on hiatus for awhile. Life is different now. For one, I am the Mommy of a newborn and am up every three hours come rain or shine. While he would probably sleep a little longer, I have to wake him because it's imperative that he gain weight and since his heart beats at 140 beats per minute non stop, he must keep his caloric intake up. Which in turn, means there is very little shut eye for Mommy. I am exhausted, I won't lie. My mind is in constant motion of what to do next, where to be next, who to care for next. Some days I feel a little overwhelmed. Some days it's hard to fit it all in. I wish I had a little more time with my older two boys. They miss me and I miss them. I am going to try each week to have one on one time with each of them. I hate that they are in school full time. I want them home with me, but it's just to much with Paxton and all of his needs right now. It's a constant shuffle back and forth from one doctor to the other. It's keeping a constant eye on the clock to see when meds are due and of course a constant eye on his monitor. I miss the freedom we once had. I guess I knew the time would come where I would mourn for the life we once had. Then I look at his face: (excuse the baby talk in the video, it's what makes him smile)
I am pretty sure that this boy is in love with his Mommy. At least that's what my husband says. It's when I see his beautiful smile that I realize, yes, our life is different. It's full of medications, heart monitors, oxygen saturations, cardiac lingo, doctors visits, insurance battles and the likes. It's exhausting to say the least, but most days I just pick him up and smell him or lay with him on my chest and I realize that I would do anything for this child. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G! There may be some days filled with tears at the loss of what was once normal for us. There's no up and leaving. No vacations in our future. No jumping in the car without packing all of Paxton's things. No date night without constant worry in the back of our minds. It's a lot to take on. Yesterday was the first breakdown over this loss. I went to Austins Christmas play (super cute pics of that coming soon) yesterday and it was the first time I had been to the school since leaving to have Paxton. I saw a couple of moms that were pregnant with me and their babies were healthy and right there with them. It struck a nerve I never anticipated. I was sad because I wanted Paxton to be in his sling right there with me like the others, but he couldn't be because he's sick. I was sad yesterday. Sad for all of the changes. Sad for all of the things our precious boy has endured and has yet to endure. So I came home and climbed into bed with Paxton and we both fell asleep together. It's the best medicine for me. I remind myself that I was put on this earth to be a Mommy and if it means with a special needs baby, I can do that too. If it means shuffling my time and losing some sleep, then that's what I will do. Somehow, when I just don't think I can keep my eyes open any longer, for these guys I can do it!
My big boys with their BFF Jack. (Wait til you see the ruckus Jack and Austin caused at the Christmas play) So glad they have each other and so thankful to Jacks mom Eileen who continually lifts me up and reminds me it's ok.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sooo, this weekend was my first Saturday alone with all three boys. We started out just fine, so good in fact, that I was prancing around thinking to myself " I got this..." It just so happened that Paxton was sleeping and we were able to do crafts.
That was until Paxton woke up starving and needed my attention. The boys decided they too were hungry and had to have a snack. I was so distracted with getting the baby situated that I failed to realize that I left the jar of goldfish on the table and we wound up with this:
Hundreds of goldfish strewn about the table and floor! Thank goodness for golden retrievers that never cease to be the hairy, slobbery version of my dyson. From there it was all down hill. The kids turned this house upside down. Which in turn made me glad that I did not in fact get to the mounds of laundry we manage to accumulate, because they would have just pulled every last item out of the baskets. Yes, it would all still be in baskets because pretty much our closets have become clothes folded in baskets.
It's bad folks and the best part is there was a load in the dryer and one in the washer as I write this. Where does it all come from and how do I get so far behind...Oh wait!
This little man keeps me on my toes. He loves his Mama and quite frankly wants to be held all day every day! Those eyes, they win me over. His smile melts my heart and reminds me that it all can wait! For all to soon, all of my boys will be all grown up and I never want to wish I spent more time with them!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Look! Look! Look! My friend Jennisa over at Once Upon A Blog gave ours a holiday facelift for me. I gave her free reign (yep, she's that good) because I have no brain power or time to help her design it, but wanted to spice things up for the holidays and it's just perfect. Thank you Jennisa. As always, I love it!!!