Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I Saw God Today

Ever since we lost Tadem, the one thing that bothers me the most is that I don't know if he was a he or she. I just wanted to know so badly and we were unable to find out since "he" passed without our knowledge. So, I have been praying about it. I have asked God to give me a sign, if He felt that was o.k. I told Him that I wanted to know so I had one more finite thing to give to Tadems memory. Some closure...

I have started to listen to Christian music. Thanks to Angie over at Bring The Rain, I found some wonderful songs that I can relate to and I downloaded them from I tunes. (Seriously, is there anything better than I tunes) Today was the first day that I put the cd in the car and played it for the boys. Not a peep! Not a single word from either of them. I sang to the boys and they listened!
As I sang these beautiful songs, I literally cannot explain what came over me, all I know is that I had goose bumps from head to toe and for an instant I felt a peace I have never known. As I stayed in this moment of pure joy, I looked toward the sky and there was a star shaped BLUE ballon floating towards heaven...............

If any of you have read my blog, you know that we had a star named in memory of Tadem, so that was a sign to me.
It was blue, another sign.
I was singing Christian music to my boys and to our Lord for the first time and literally felt His presence in that very ordinary moment in my car, another sign.

To some people this all seems obscene but to those who have been there, you know the feeling I am talking about. It's almost like a smidge of heaven and its gone before you know it.
God came to me today just as I have been coming to Him since the very day I found out my baby had gone to be with Him. He filled me up and let me know He was there and He answered the burning question I have been praying about for nearly two months now.

That star shaped, blue ballon floating towards Heaven was Gods way of telling me that Tadem is a boy. I say is, because HE, is very much alive in heaven.

It's hard to explain moments like that to people, how you just know. And I just knew. I took that very fleeting moment and tucked it away in my memory bank.

I realized today, Tadem's purpose. He was given to me and then taken away all to bring me closer to God.

Tadem was my teacher and he never even set foot on this Earth or took one single breath. Yet, he taught one person and I hope many others the power of faith, the power of prayer and the power of love.

Although my dreams with Tadem were cut short, I know there was a powerful purpose behind his passing. I know that we will be reunited with each other in heaven, where the most glorious teacher taught him and awaits me.

Yes, my friends, I SAW GOD TODAY...

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Ashley Babyyy said...

Yah! It was a boy! Tadem West

kristyo15 said...

Stopped by thru Mckmama, and just wanted to let you know that your post gave me chills with this story. How Awesome is Our God? Amazing. I am so sorry for your loss.

God Bless,
Kristy @ The Owens Crew

MoodyMama said...

Stopped by from Baby Be Blessed. I remember my very first moment like that with God almost a year and a half ago. Utterly amazing!

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