Thursday, November 5, 2009

Happy One Month Birthday Baby Boy




Today our son turns one month old!  There were days when I was still pregnant with him that we were not sure he would be alive to see this day. God, has blessed us. He is here. He is perfect. He is fighting the biggest fight of his life.  Just as sure as the H (home) word was mentioned to us as a possibility in a couple of weeks yesterday, I in turn, got the phone call at 2 a.m. this morning that his heart is struggling.  His heart is working so hard to keep going. It is a delicate balance. One day everything looks picture perfect and hours later it all changes.  I am working on not looking to far down the road, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one prayer at a time. Today our son turns one month old and the alternative makes me realize that I/we can do this. Even though there will be many tears through out this, many angry days, sad ones and joyful ones. I do believe that God has a plan for us and for our son and as we wait to learn what that plan is, I am finding a patience I have never, ever known. I am learning what is really important in life. I laugh at what people complain about because all I have to do is walk into this hospital and look to my left and look to my right to see babies on life support and  I find there isn't much to complain about.  I am forever changed by this beautiful boy God has given me.  I know my husband  is as well. Actually, I am pretty sure a lot of people are changed by him. I do know that is part of his purpose here on Earth.  He is one month old today. My, how our lives have changed in one month.   There is a beauty in all of this that comes with seeing just how precious life really is.  When I see him smile (most likely from gas =) I see beauty. When I look at his scar where he was cut open at 4 days old, I see beauty. When I see his strong Daddy holding him, I see beauty. When I see life at it's most fragile, but hanging on, I see beauty.  In a world full of mass chaos, I choose to find the beauty in it. This does not mean that I don't have awful days, today has been a day of waxing and waning through tears and hope. Just as his life is a delicate balance, so are my emotions. However, when I walked out the door this evening to go reserve my room at Ronald McDonald house for however much longer we will be here and felt the cool air on my face, I felt a peace wash over me, truly I did.  While some days that falters, I choose to look up to the sky and see the beauty. There lies my Grandma, my Grandpa, baby Tadem and God surrounding me with love and strength when it is lowest. I hope that anyone reading this will choose to find the beauty that is this life.  Tonight, won't you stop doing the laundry. Leave the dishes until later and instead get down on the floor to play with your children. Smell them just once more as they lay peaceful in their beds. Then sit and snuggle on the couch with your partner.  These are things I would give anything to have right now. It is nearing six o' clock as I finish this post and I am in a hospital by my sons bedside and what I wouldn't give for us to be home doing dinner, baths and bedtimes.  Remember the little things my friends. Remember what's important and when you feel frustrated, as we all do, dig deep and see if it matters in the big scheme of things. There you will find your greatest life lessons. 
Thank you Paxton for teaching your MaMa the most valuable lessons she will ever need in her life. You are amazing, beautiful and ever so strong.  
Happy One Month Birthday To The Biggest Fighter I Know! He WILL do this and we will be there every step of the way. How proud you make us son!

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29 comments:

Gretchen said...

What a beautiful post! And a strong faith that you share :) Isn't it amazing what God teaches us through our special children?? I am reading this right now listening to my two youngest in the other room bickering and arguing, yet I know how blessed I am that they are here, living life, especially my son!

I have been reading your blog for a while now, and while I don't comment often, I sure do pray a great deal for you, your precious son and the rest of your family too! Thanks for sharing your life, and allowing me the opportunity to pray for you guys!

Joye @ The Joyeful Journey said...

I'm visiting from Lynette's blog and I am so moved by your story. This post is so heartfelt and so full of faith and love. I can't imagine how difficult this has been for all of you. My heart goes out to you and your family and especially to your amazing little boy, Paxton. Know that I will be praying for you all! May God hold you in his arms and strengthen you and bring healing and stability to your son's heart.

Hannah said...

Hi I am here from Lynnettes blog and wanted to let you know my family will be keeping you in our prayers. My son had a heart condition too and had open heart surgery. We are praying for your family. God heals.

Sherrie said...

Hi! I am visiting from Lynette's blog. Congrats on being the featured blogger. This post is very touching and a beautiful tribute to your son, whom I will be praying for. God Bless!

cindi said...

Just wanted you to know that your boys are beautiful (which you know) and that we are praying for you and Paxton. Lynnette Kraft sent me over and I'm so glad I stopped by.

Holly said...

Here from Lynnette's!! Happy 1 month to Paxton!! I have no doubt God has big plans for him. Praying that he continues to do better every day!

Tonya said...

Hopped over from Lynnette's. You have a beautiful family, beautiful blog and a beautiful heart. Hang in there. I know it was a different situation, but one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes minute by minute, was the motto I lived by when my second baby was born severely premature at 25 weeks. God bless! Praying for you.

Tonya

Jenilee said...

praying for your beautiful new baby boy! I'm visiting from Lynnette's... Isn't it amazing how God uses these life situations to change us and mold us? thanks for the reminder to cherish the little things... I will do that today.

Lynnette Kraft said...

Good morning Jen. I hope that you meet a lot of bloggers over the next few days. Paxton - and your other children are just beautiful.

It is a difficult road for sure - having a child with heart problems - but abundant blessings are in store.

Lynnette

Linda said...

Your faith is beautiful. I will be following you on your journey of faith and hope, and praying for your little guy, and for all of you.

I am Lynnette's mom, Linda. And as you said your life is forever changed because of your son,....Lynnette's life, her husband's and children's and my own as well, have been forever changed too, because of our trials.

God has His plan and His purpose for everything, and we may not always understand, but we can rest in Him, and know that He will work it all together for our good.

He is the one that holds our hand and walks beside us,...and never leaves us alone.

There are many joys along the way. I loved how you encouraged everyone to enjoy each day with their children, and to take the time to do all of the things that you are longing to do.

Your baby is precious.
Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Kristin said...

Hi! I am just stopping by from Lynnette's blog. Congratulations on being featured today. I will definitely be praying for your sweet Paxton and for your family. Thank you for reminding me to cherish the little things that matter the most. God bless and Happy Birthday to your sweet little boy!

Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

Jenn,I came over from Lynnette's blog (Getting to Know you) AND Baby be blessed (yesterday, but didnt comment). I am somewhat familiar with the road you are on as our Seth (also our fourth child!) had HLHS.
I"m sorry to hear Paxton is still on such a roller coaster.. I am praying for you and your family.

Karen said...

I am stopping by from Lynnette's to say Hi. Congratualations on being featured today.

My prayers are with you.I am familar with what you are going through. Although I did not experience it, my daughter Faith was diagnosed inutero with HLHS. We were a week shy of her being born by c-section when she was stillborn.

Happy One Month Birthday to Paxton!
May the Lord touch his sweet little body and bring complete healing.

Blessings,
Karen

NanaNor's said...

Hi Jenn, I just popped over from Lynette's blog and want to say I'm praying for Paxton and the entire family. What touching post-just wish I could stop by and give you a big hug...but Jesus can. I'll be back.
Noreen

Kess said...

Praying for you and your family Jenn! Your post is a real testimony of faith. Keep trusting in the big guy! :) It's amazing the beauty God can show us when we hit the rough patches in life!

My fiance was born with only half a heart (his condition is called Pulmonary Atresia with Intact Ventricular Septum - quite a mouthful!) and he had to have open heart surgery when he was a newborn. He now leads a relatively normal life, and had a test recently to find out if his condition is genetic (it's not).

God bless

Trennia said...

Found you through Lynnette's blog...Praying

~Jamie Kubeczka~ said...

This was a very touching post and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. You are so very right when you say just to take a minute, because you never know when and if it could be your last. I am praying so hard for you and your family. I know first hand the experience of being in the NICU with your baby. The pain you feel when you have to leave them and the stress you feel from dealing with everyday life that still must go on. I pray that you keep your strong faith and believe in God's plan for you and your family.

Sara x said...

Hi, I have just read your post after reading about you on Lynettes blog. I have been in a postion of holding on and enjoying one day at a time.We learn so much from our children, the ability to just believe and have faith. My post today is very similar as it will be a year tomorrow since our daughter returned home to her father. Not a day goes by where i dont miss her, but i know she is safe. I praise God for allowing the gift he gave me in my child as he has given you In Paxton.

I pray for you all.

Sara xx

Kelly said...

I'm visiting from Lynnette's blog. What an amazing story of God's grace your family has. I will be praying for ya'll.

Melissa G. said...

Oh my goodness. You have a beautiful way of writing that just touches my heart. I'm so glad you get to celebrate your son's one month birthday. He's precious beyond words!!!

I'm going to read your older posts now. Oh and I found your lovely blog through Lynnette's Getting to Know You.

lambechops said...

Hi. I'm visiting from Lynette's blog. I think your little boy is beautiful. I'll be back to read more later.

Nikki said...

Came over a few days ago from the BbB site... and wanted to let you know that we're praying for your sweet Paxton and for your whole family, for continued strength and perseverance as you all "fight the good fight". May God bless you in this new day.

MommyIvy said...

Stopping by from Lynette's. You have one beautiful little boy. Congrats!

~ shi ~ said...

Hello,

I am here from Lynnettes Blog...Wanting to support you in your prayer requests..My husband and I have lost a son at three months and feel your pain deeply. But you are on the right road...We all could stop and remember what is important and how BLESSE we are...We don't deserve to live and YET Jesus gives us each day..What a blessing it is!..So along with you and yours I will grab hold of this day and rejoyce with you!..I am a little sad because my BABY, is leaving for COSTA RICA for three months today..and it hurts..But the focus should be life and the work for Christ she is able to do..not my missing her! We rasied her to love the Lord and she does!..What a Gift to her dad and I...So anyway..Blessings Dear ones in Christ..Be brave and Keep looking at His hand in this and He will lead you no matter the path...

Heathymom said...

Wow, great post. You have a beautiful baby boy, I will keep him in my prayers! I'm visiting form Lynette's blog. You have a really nice blog!

Amy said...

Visiting from Lynnette's blog. Your story is very touching and this is a beautiful post. Praying that you son continues to get better.

the Spocks said...

Visiting from Lynnette's blog. Happy one month, Paxton. Praying that this is just the start of the wonderful life you will have with your family.

Bethany said...

Hi! I'm visiting from Lynette's blog. Happy one month birthday to Paxton! Please know that God is in control, and has plans for your sweet little boy. Praying that you will be able to go home and be together as a family again soon! Much love from TX!
~Bethany

SayRah said...

I'm visiting from Lynnette's blog, and I LOVE yours! What a sweet family, and baby you have! Prayers for you guys that he continues to grow strong and healthy.
((hugs & blessings))
Sarah @ ButterflyChic
www.sayrahterry.blogspot.com

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