Sunday, December 21, 2008

My Faith

(You will understand later in the blog why this picture of my HUGE belly is here)

I got to sleep in today, until 9:30. Can I tell you how amazing that was! 

So, yesterday I bought my first bible.  It was a very personal decision for me and  I did so on my own. I really don't think I have even told anyone yet.  I have always had my faith, at times not as I should have, but it was there nonetheless.  Only now I would like to learn more. There are many, many unanswered questions that I have. Each time I pick up the Bible, I am highly overwhelmed, but I chose to take the plunge.  I hope whether I "get it" or not, that God will praise me for trying. I am hoping to find a person that might be able to answer my questions without me feeling insecure and dumb. I feel like at 29 years old that I should know all that I need to know, but I don't. I know that each day is a chance to learn more, to be more, to give more to others and to the Lord.  My life is busy and there are times where I don't even get a chance to give to him what I should. There are nights where my hands are folded in prayer and I wind up falling asleep mid sentence.  I wake up feeling extremely guilty and remind myself that today is a new day.  

I am currently reading the book 90 minutes in heaven. What a beautifully written and moving book! I haven't finished it but I have read nearly all of it in two days!  I have a lot of worries about life after death. I know that if I give myself over to the Lord completely then I will have nothing to worry about. I have to be honest though, I don't know that I can EVER not worry about leaving my boys or my husband behind! I know that once you are in heaven you don't have a sense of what you have left behind but I never, ever want my boys to be without me or vice versa. I need a lot of help in that area!  I love my boys (all three of them)  more than any human words can ever describe and my biggest fear is to leave them or lose them.  However, in reading the book 90 minutes in heaven, I have a bit of comfort knowing heaven is perfect beyond any human description and that when we are there we don't feel the loss of what we left behind.  I needed to know that and I believe it! The hardest part is to give myself completely to the unknown and to trust in that.  Then I think, deeply, about life and how unexplainable and amazing it is!  The simple fact that my husband and I can love each other enough to make a baby and have it grow in my belly is quite frankly unexplainable and a plain miracle to me. (See picture! An absolute miracle!) Therefore, anything in the afterlife is quite possibly just as amazing!

So, its a deep blog, but it is Sunday and I am going through some life changes. I  know they are all for the better, I just hope that everyone around me will support these changes! 

A friend gave me a card with this written on it after I lost Tadem; it's on my fridge:

Trust in HIS timing
Rely on HIS promises
Wait for HIS answers
Believe in HIS miracles
Rejoice in HIS goodness
Relax in HIS presence

Come near to God and he will come near to you.

James 4:8

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1 comment:

Ashley Babyyy said...

Faith gets me through life just like you do! love you mean it!

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