(all photo credits go to our babysitter, which is a word I so dislike because she is so much more to our family: Miss Jordan Zuccarello.)
|You try telling that face no. That little body that has been through so much.|
A huge part of me believes our destiny is already laid out for us. All pizza or all kale. While I don't believe in smoking, doing drugs or eating crap as a full time job to speed things along I do believe that what's going to happen is going to happen regardless of what we consume on a daily basis. I mean we all know someone who is "the healthiest person we know" and they get sick or find out they have cancer and all the "healthy" in the world didn't change that outcome. We all also know that person who drinks and smokes and eats like crap or even does drugs and they live forever. The human in me knows this is going to play out how it is meant to. The Mom in me still fights to get the best that she can into her kids, but I am also going to let my kids live. I am going to let them play outside and get vitamin D and I am also going to put sunscreen on them when I do ( The huge melanoma scar on my dads neck is my reminder). I opt for an organic brand, but if you can't afford organic then ya know what...so freaking be it. No one should feel guilty for that. We, as Moms, do the best we can with what we freaking have. What truly matters is the memories you make and the love that you give. Sure, guide them to healthy habits. You can bet your sweet ass I work hard at that with my own boys, but they will know balance too. Just as I am learning balance in this internet crazed, information flooded society. Balance between doing what you can and leaving the rest up to the big man upstairs. Maybe, just maybe, balance is actually the healthiest thing about being healthy. Pure speculation of course.
|our balance. avocado above, pizza crust below ;)|
|(notice breadsticks in dresser drawer, i wasn't kidding about that)|
rainbow baby. it's the birth of a baby after the loss of one. a rainbow after the storm per se. i think there should also be a name for the birth of a baby after having one with special needs. i say that because there was nothing that could prepare me for the emotion that i would feel when i laid eyes on my healthy baby this go round.
You know when you finally just say...aww F it. No one cares anyway. As each day passes and I haven't written I do the typical...tomorrow I will write. Tomorrow IS the day. The day comes and I put it off again only to realize here we are months later with no new post. AGAIN.
I've decided that writing is a little, no scratch that...a lot like exercising after a hiatus. It's been on my list. It's been on my mind and especially in my heart. I have been through a myriad of emotions since Talon has joined our family and I have done the opposite of what I did when Paxton was born. I found I am just unable to write. Tonight though, I think I am ready.
I have four children. Four BOYS! There was so much talk of having a girl while I was pregnant, that I think I was partially brainwashed. I truly believed he was a girl until the moment I saw his boy parts to which I burst into laughter. The whole room actually erupted in laughter when we saw it was another boy. Sheer, joyous, belly laughing laughter. As he lays here beside me now I cannot imagine having a girl. Talon fits so seamlessly into our family I can barely remember life before him.