Sunday, December 7, 2008

Today Was A Better Day

I did not write yesterday,  it was one of the worst days I have had in a long time. I have come to realize that grief is a long process and that just when you think you are going to make it, you have the saddest day yet and I also learned you have no control when it will make its way to you. Dave's Mom and stepdad Larry came to see us this weekend. It was a very nice time and the boys absolutely fell in love with "Pa Paw"! They would not leave his side and I have to say he is an absolute gem with children. Such a gentle, gentle soul. I was grateful he was here to distract the boys from my saddness and guilt.  I just couldn't pull myself out of it. I showered, ran 3 miles (which I am paying dearly for now) and then to top it off after I gave the boys a bath and was emptying out the tub Mason snuck up behind me and fell face first into the tub. He was bleeding everywhere, screaming at the top of his lungs, I was yelling. It just topped off the day I couldn't seem to beat! Mason wound up with the fattest lip you have ever seen. Dave wasn't sure how to handle me in such a sad place and I wound up feeling all the more worse so I called a special person to me, someone I admire greatly. She guided me into "my big girl pants" and thats what I did. Today, the fog lifted. I was able to enjoy the boys and remember that Tadem is in a better place. Dave and I are closer,  Masons lip is much better and I have faith that the week ahead will be brighter. We are having a bit of a floor issue in our house and it has required that we move Mason into Austins room and today was the big day! Tonight the boys are spending their first night together. We put them down at the same time and they proceeded to have a half hour conversation just between brothers. It was so, so sweet!  Yes, its going to be allllright!

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