Not Me Monday

For the love of God, my list goes on and on for Not Me's this week. Oh' wait I didn't do any of this, it must have been my evil twin for I would never do these things.

For starters, I did not go to a friends house the other night for a cookout and play Wii bowling and love it. I abhor video games and would never take a liking to such a thing.

I also did not come home from that evening and put my son to bed in his t-shirt, diaper and shoes. Yes, I said that right, shoes! What kind of Mother does that. I am the biggest germ freak EVER, I would never forget to take my sons shoes off and only happen to see that he still had them on in the video monitor! (See, contrary to what all of the older women "who did just fine without a camera," say, they do come in handy, thank you very much)

I do not have 7 loads of laundry piled up begging to be taken care of. My husband has not asked me repeatedly for clean under wear and I have not sworn that today is the day that I WILL get caught up and don't.

I did not give my children chocolate milk at 10 this morning (My kids don't get chocolate milk) JUST THIS ONCE to keep them quiet at the grocery store. And it did not work like a freaking charm.

I have not worn the same pair of pants for like 3 days in a row now because they are so gal darn comfortable and because I actually do fit in my skinny jeans, thank you! We all know how nasty our pants can get with two kids under two. We all know how dirty they can get with all of the pawing they do with their grubby hands all day so I would never wear pants THAT much. (Hence, the laundry situation)

I am not STILL procrastinating with the packing! Its done, all of it, I swear! There are boxes packed all over the house. There most certainly are not folded, empty, not even taped into box form boxes strewn about my house and we are SO NOT moving in a week. One week people! Ugh! I would NEVER let such an event go so awry!

I did not go off on the woman at an unnamed car seat manufacturer for telling me that they would not replace my cracked car seat. I mean really, its cracked and in the weirdest, most I did not do that to the cars seat place. They do not want to do a full blown investigation as if I killed someone for a car seat. They in the meantime do not want me to keep my child in the cracked CAR SEAT, yes car seat, until it is determined if they will replace mine. I did not yell at her for making me have to go and ultimately get a new car seat because I will NOT put my child in a cracked car seat for obvious reasons while they decide whether I did this on purpose, you know in all of my free time, to get a replacement! I did not hang up on her.

OK and as of 5 minutes ago, my sons are not sitting on the couch eating a raw potato because it is keeping them (once again) quiet so I can cook dinner. I mean seriously, a raw potato, that's just desperate! It is not working and the boys are not taking huge bites out of it and smiling at me like I gave them a tub of Ben & Jerry's!

I also, did not walk into my bedroom, 10 minutes later, where the boys were eating the potato and watching Bee's to find the entire potato shredded and strewn about my room. I mean there was NOT pieces of potato covering our couch and floor. The boys did not take bites and then proceed to spit them out until the entire potato was gone. I could not have made hash brown casserole out of the piles of potatoes.


In closing tonight, I want to reitterate that none of this actually happened. I would not do any of these things and I hope that any of you reading this would not stoop to these levels either!