Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Perfect Paisley

Today was bittersweet for me, I won't lie. My wonderful friend Andie, the one I threw the baby shower for, gave birth to Paisley Sage last night at 1:06 am. She was perfect and beautiful! I was terrified to go there. To the place I was supposed to be two months from now. I went for Andie, my friend. I am glad that I did because even though I was cranky and nervous even as we pulled into the parking lot, once I saw that baby girl I could be nothing but happy. She was Gods work right in front of me, no mistakes. I was beyond a shadow of a doubt so happy for them.
There is something to be said about the time you spend at the hospital during and after your baby is born. Its such a delicate, immersed time. You are drowning in love for this new little human you fell in love with the moment you laid eyes on him or her. You feel a sense of perfect security as you lay in your bed with nurses tending to you and your perfect child in your arms. The worries of the world are gone and you are given this personal time to worry about nothing. Its a surreal time and I long for it once it is gone.
I had both my boys at this hospital and the memories flooded my head as I walked in and out. I looked at the chairs where I waited for the nurse to come get me when my first baby was born. I sat in that chair with such anticipation for our life. I looked at the chair that I hung over as I endured powerful contractions with my second child waiting once again for the nurse to come get me, not knowing I was 6 cm dialated!!!! I looked next door on our way out at the hospital where I laid after losing our third baby. I know our time will come. Walking the halls tonight and hearing the sounds of tiny cries, hearing Paisley squeal and smelling her sweet smell reminded me of all the hope there is to be had in this world. I felt a peace in the midst of such anxiety lately. I felt Gods presence come and calm me as I looked at Paisley. He was saying I, too, will be blessed yet again. There is good in the world even with all of the bad. If I choose to let the good come, it will.
In closing tonight I am grateful to God for Andies perfect delivery and for her perfect baby. I am thankful for Gods gentle reminder that babies are born healthy and whole and that there is always hope. I am thankful for the strength he bestowed upon me tonight and I am thankful for my wonderful life.
I have put a picture of me in the hospital. My safe, secure, blissful escape from the world where only nursing my babies is a concern.



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1 comment:

Ashley Babyyy said...

dont worry she was 2 boys and a girl so there is still luck <333

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