Perfect Paisley

Today was bittersweet for me, I won't lie. My wonderful friend Andie, the one I threw the baby shower for, gave birth to Paisley Sage last night at 1:06 am. She was perfect and beautiful! I was terrified to go there. To the place I was supposed to be two months from now. I went for Andie, my friend. I am glad that I did because even though I was cranky and nervous even as we pulled into the parking lot, once I saw that baby girl I could be nothing but happy. She was Gods work right in front of me, no mistakes. I was beyond a shadow of a doubt so happy for them.
There is something to be said about the time you spend at the hospital during and after your baby is born. Its such a delicate, immersed time. You are drowning in love for this new little human you fell in love with the moment you laid eyes on him or her. You feel a sense of perfect security as you lay in your bed with nurses tending to you and your perfect child in your arms. The worries of the world are gone and you are given this personal time to worry about nothing. Its a surreal time and I long for it once it is gone.
I had both my boys at this hospital and the memories flooded my head as I walked in and out. I looked at the chairs where I waited for the nurse to come get me when my first baby was born. I sat in that chair with such anticipation for our life. I looked at the chair that I hung over as I endured powerful contractions with my second child waiting once again for the nurse to come get me, not knowing I was 6 cm dialated!!!! I looked next door on our way out at the hospital where I laid after losing our third baby. I know our time will come. Walking the halls tonight and hearing the sounds of tiny cries, hearing Paisley squeal and smelling her sweet smell reminded me of all the hope there is to be had in this world. I felt a peace in the midst of such anxiety lately. I felt Gods presence come and calm me as I looked at Paisley. He was saying I, too, will be blessed yet again. There is good in the world even with all of the bad. If I choose to let the good come, it will.
In closing tonight I am grateful to God for Andies perfect delivery and for her perfect baby. I am thankful for Gods gentle reminder that babies are born healthy and whole and that there is always hope. I am thankful for the strength he bestowed upon me tonight and I am thankful for my wonderful life.
I have put a picture of me in the hospital. My safe, secure, blissful escape from the world where only nursing my babies is a concern.



post signature

Comments

Anonymous said…
dont worry she was 2 boys and a girl so there is still luck <333
January 9, 2009 at 3:34 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Happy One Month Birthday Baby Boy

Image
Today our son turns one month old!  There were days when I was still pregnant with him that we were not sure he would be alive to see this day. God, has blessed us. He is here. He is perfect. He is fighting the biggest fight of his life.  Just as sure as the H (home) word was mentioned to us as a possibility in a couple of weeks yesterday, I in turn, got the phone call at 2 a.m. this morning that his heart is struggling.  His heart is working so hard to keep going. It is a delicate balance. One day everything looks picture perfect and hours later it all changes.  I am working on not looking to far down the road, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one prayer at a time. Today our son turns one month old and the alternative makes me realize that I/we can do this. Even though there will be many tears through out this, many angry days, sad ones and joyful ones. I do believe that God has a plan for us and for our son and as we wait to learn what that plan is, I am finding a patience I ha...
Read more

Stream Of Consciousness

Image
I honestly didn’t realize until today why I have been the weepy mess that I have been these last few weeks. I thought I was tired.  I thought well you have five kids and lots to remember. I am prone to anxiety. I worry to much which is definitely nothing new.  I attributed the constant crying to all things other than the obvious, which after ten years one would think I would have down by now.   It’s February.   It is heart month and I don’t mean cupid.  It is real heart month.   The hearts who are sick, broken, healing, or in heaven… We honor, celebrate, recognize and weep over all things Congenital Heart Defects.  I used to be able to post a lot more about it.  I used to write a lot more about it, but I have found as time goes on that well… I don’t have a ton of time for it, but also I think I’ve been avoiding it as well… because after 10 years… words don't come to me like they used to…there is just no time line and I haven’t...
Read more

And he's off

Paxton is out of surgery and recovering. He is heavily sedated as of now, but all went well and doctors are happy with the repair. God is good! Prayers were answered. Today is a damn good, beautiful day. I will update more later. Thank you all for walking this journey beside us ! Update 8:10 am. Just got call they have made the first incision and are working through scar tissue now. He is stable and doing awesome. 7:20 am They have taken Paxton back to the OR. I will update when I know more. Please pray for my boy. ~j
Read more