Today Was A Better Day




I did not write yesterday,  it was one of the worst days I have had in a long time. I have come to realize that grief is a long process and that just when you think you are going to make it, you have the saddest day yet and I also learned you have no control when it will make its way to you. Dave's Mom and stepdad Larry came to see us this weekend. It was a very nice time and the boys absolutely fell in love with "Pa Paw"! They would not leave his side and I have to say he is an absolute gem with children. Such a gentle, gentle soul. I was grateful he was here to distract the boys from my saddness and guilt.  I just couldn't pull myself out of it. I showered, ran 3 miles (which I am paying dearly for now) and then to top it off after I gave the boys a bath and was emptying out the tub Mason snuck up behind me and fell face first into the tub. He was bleeding everywhere, screaming at the top of his lungs, I was yelling. It just topped off the day I couldn't seem to beat! Mason wound up with the fattest lip you have ever seen. Dave wasn't sure how to handle me in such a sad place and I wound up feeling all the more worse so I called a special person to me, someone I admire greatly. She guided me into "my big girl pants" and thats what I did. Today, the fog lifted. I was able to enjoy the boys and remember that Tadem is in a better place. Dave and I are closer,  Masons lip is much better and I have faith that the week ahead will be brighter. We are having a bit of a floor issue in our house and it has required that we move Mason into Austins room and today was the big day! Tonight the boys are spending their first night together. We put them down at the same time and they proceeded to have a half hour conversation just between brothers. It was so, so sweet!  Yes, its going to be allllright!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Happy One Month Birthday Baby Boy

Image
Today our son turns one month old!  There were days when I was still pregnant with him that we were not sure he would be alive to see this day. God, has blessed us. He is here. He is perfect. He is fighting the biggest fight of his life.  Just as sure as the H (home) word was mentioned to us as a possibility in a couple of weeks yesterday, I in turn, got the phone call at 2 a.m. this morning that his heart is struggling.  His heart is working so hard to keep going. It is a delicate balance. One day everything looks picture perfect and hours later it all changes.  I am working on not looking to far down the road, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one prayer at a time. Today our son turns one month old and the alternative makes me realize that I/we can do this. Even though there will be many tears through out this, many angry days, sad ones and joyful ones. I do believe that God has a plan for us and for our son and as we wait to learn what that plan is, I am finding a patience I ha
Read more

And he's off

Paxton is out of surgery and recovering. He is heavily sedated as of now, but all went well and doctors are happy with the repair. God is good! Prayers were answered. Today is a damn good, beautiful day. I will update more later. Thank you all for walking this journey beside us ! Update 8:10 am. Just got call they have made the first incision and are working through scar tissue now. He is stable and doing awesome. 7:20 am They have taken Paxton back to the OR. I will update when I know more. Please pray for my boy. ~j
Read more

Stream Of Consciousness

Image
I honestly didn’t realize until today why I have been the weepy mess that I have been these last few weeks. I thought I was tired.  I thought well you have five kids and lots to remember. I am prone to anxiety. I worry to much which is definitely nothing new.  I attributed the constant crying to all things other than the obvious, which after ten years one would think I would have down by now.   It’s February.   It is heart month and I don’t mean cupid.  It is real heart month.   The hearts who are sick, broken, healing, or in heaven… We honor, celebrate, recognize and weep over all things Congenital Heart Defects.  I used to be able to post a lot more about it.  I used to write a lot more about it, but I have found as time goes on that well… I don’t have a ton of time for it, but also I think I’ve been avoiding it as well… because after 10 years… words don't come to me like they used to…there is just no time line and I haven’t been able to sit down to write lik
Read more