Showing posts from August, 2010

Not Ok Today

Remember this post.... Oh my heart. It hurts so bad as I begin to relive those days. It is so unbelievably hard to wrap my head around the fact that it has been a year since we found out something was terribly wrong with our baby.  At this time last year I still didn't know if the baby was a boy or a girl.  At this time last year on this day I was in a heap waiting to get to our specialist appointment tomorrow.  Why must I remember... I guess because this past year has changed me forever.  I had no idea how far I would fall and how strong I would become getting back up. I had no idea if my little baby was going to live or die and that feeling of hanging in limbo, dangit, it never leaves you.  I would be spending this night in the undecorated nursery praying for a miracle. I did not decorate the baby's nursery because of the previous miscarriage and I would sit in that room and wonder if this was the real reason I didn't decorate it. I am cranky. I am sad. I am gratef

Our Weekend In Photos

Oh' sweet family weekends... 5K road race Aside from pounding like crazy, my heart is overflowing with love as my babies stand on the sideline cheering me in. Best fan club EVER! The boys wanted to run a race too and since their PaPaw happens to put it on, a race is just what they got! Here they are at the start. What I don't show is Mason running zig zag across the track and Austin melting like a snow cone from stage fright.  I couldn't get pics of that because I was tending to Paxton who was sobbing from the loud cheering. After PaPaws race was a big party and if you know my boys (and me :) we love a party! Slip n slides, water slides and big kids to adore.  I had to carry them all the way up to the top until they got used to it.  The things a Mommy will do for her young ;) Pure heaven seeing their smiles! Pure heaven hearing their belly laughs and screeches. Austin making Mommy have a turn and what Austin wants Austin gets.  M
Best. Weekend. Ever Details coming soon... Love~ J


Well, today started out like any other. Me: getting up at 4:15 to feed the baby, then go die (almost literally today) working out, then race home to shower before the mayhem begins. Insert 3 snugly children with sleepy eyes, wild hair, smelling of baby just out of bed goodness... Mason: "Hi Mommy! Get me some breakfast." Me: "How do you ask?" Mason: "Pweaze." Austin: " I no LIKE yogurt!" Me: "ok Austin what would you like?" Austin: " a bar, get me a bar." Me: " I can't hear you when you talk to me like that..." Paxton:  "Nanananana!" Mason: "I spiwed (spilled) it!" Me: getting a hundred or so baby wipes to wipe off the boy, the bench, the table and the floor. Mason: "Mommy where you going next?" ( because I'm actually dressed and not in ghetto sweat pants and a wife beater) Me: " To the back doctor." Mason: "The bwak doctor? I wanna go

Stream Of Consiousness

(A couple of blogs I read do stream of consiousness posts and today I am going to copy them, this posts content should explain why) I'm still here... I can't really say why my heart is so heavy right now.  I talked to a girlfriend of mine and our conclusion is that this year, this insanely crazy year, is catching up with me. I am nearing the anniversary of life altering news. I know that weighs on my mind. Why women remember those things I will never know, but we do. I am exhausted beyond measure, even had bloodwork done for extreme bruising, which all came back normal with the exception of some anemia, thank God.  I just find myself barely able to move at times. I work out (hard) six days a week which has forced me to alter my diet completely. While we have always been a "mostly" organic family I have changed my diet to no starch carbs, more high fats like avocados and nuts, veggies and lots of protein.  Tons and tons of water and protein shakes.  Thus giving
I've spent a lot of time lately wondering about the future. I mean, it's crazy how Motherhood immediately turns one into a life pondering person. I worry a lot more. I wax and wane through fear and intense gratification. I would describe it as so thankful that I fear it will be taken away.  That at some point the greatness has to end. I'm not negative, just cautious.  Some would say we've had a lot happen to us this year and that we've paid our dues.  I realize that you just never know.  In my eyes, we had a tough year, but our son is home with us weighing twenty pounds with no feeding tube, trying to crawl, splish splashing in the pool like any other 9 month old.  SO many HLHS babies don't make it. So many are on feeding tubes for years. So many have additional health related complications.  Paxton is the "poster child" HLHS baby. It's what we've been told. He is exactly how HLHS would play out if doctors could plan this defect.  How FREAKING

Just The Five Of Us

Imagine the boys surprise when after a six hour drive, which they were pretty tolerant of by the way, they got to stay at an awesome "hotowel" with four pools to choose from.   Oh' the sheer joy on their faces when Daddy chucked them in the air so effortlessly. I can barely lift them to my hip anymore and he makes them look like little torpedos and boy do they love it! Night or day we could be found in the pool. Naps were few and far between. The boys likey the water, what can I say. And stopping to belly up at the bar was always a hit too!  Virgin daquiris with whipped cream cause really can it get any better... I even savored one or two or...well you get the idea, myself.  Delic! Life is what you make of it and this family is doing just that.  Last year at this time our world was turned upside down when we were told that our son was extremely sick.  Nearly a year later, we are kicking a#* and taking names! Well, actually Paxton is,