Showing posts from 2018

on the eve of my daddy's birthday...

It’s crazy how the heart just seems to know… I was driving home after dropping off the babies today and as the tears started flowing I wondered if there was no calendar to tell us.... would we know… would it hurt as bad… or are dates just a constant reminder. It’s the eve of what would have been my Dad’s birthday. A day he SHOULD be here celebrating and all I can do is cry.  Grief is so very hard to navigate. As the years pass I had this assumption that it would get easier, but for me it is very much the opposite. I miss him so much. The words ‘I miss him’ pale in comparison to the feeling in my heart right now. They sound so insignificant to what loss truly feels like. I had this moment of panic this morning that people are forgetting.  He was loved by so, SO many people and I am smart enough to know that life goes on and I just wanted to scream from the mountain tops, please don’t forget him. I am guessing that is a stage of grief that everyone goes through. I often

39 isn't so bad...

Me??? Writing... I know. It's weird and it's been a LONG time. And I can't lie, it may very well be another year before I do it again. My life is crazy busy. 5 kids is definitely a FULL time job and leaves little room for writing. One day, I hope to get back at it more because lord knows I miss it, but for now.... my kiddos come first. Two days ago was my "birfday" and I turned 39!!! Like what even.... I can't seem to wrap my head around that. I'm still in my 30's y'all and I am definitely clinging hard ;)  That said, I am not going to sit here and insta filter this life I live..... It is hard. HARD. And messy. And loud. And I screw up. I yell and then I regret it. But then I get hand made cards like this (without being asked I am told): and I'm reminded that they SEE me even when I think they don't. Mom life is often a thankless life for a long though, I see that I am doing all right. These last 10 years have tak