Happy One Month Birthday Baby Boy

Today our son turns one month old!  There were days when I was still pregnant with him that we were not sure he would be alive to see this day. God, has blessed us. He is here. He is perfect. He is fighting the biggest fight of his life.  Just as sure as the H (home) word was mentioned to us as a possibility in a couple of weeks yesterday, I in turn, got the phone call at 2 a.m. this morning that his heart is struggling.  His heart is working so hard to keep going. It is a delicate balance. One day everything looks picture perfect and hours later it all changes.  I am working on not looking to far down the road, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one prayer at a time. Today our son turns one month old and the alternative makes me realize that I/we can do this. Even though there will be many tears through out this, many angry days, sad ones and joyful ones. I do believe that God has a plan for us and for our son and as we wait to learn what that plan is, I am finding a patience I have never, ever known. I am learning what is really important in life. I laugh at what people complain about because all I have to do is walk into this hospital and look to my left and look to my right to see babies on life support and  I find there isn't much to complain about.  I am forever changed by this beautiful boy God has given me.  I know my husband  is as well. Actually, I am pretty sure a lot of people are changed by him. I do know that is part of his purpose here on Earth.  He is one month old today. My, how our lives have changed in one month.   There is a beauty in all of this that comes with seeing just how precious life really is.  When I see him smile (most likely from gas =) I see beauty. When I look at his scar where he was cut open at 4 days old, I see beauty. When I see his strong Daddy holding him, I see beauty. When I see life at it's most fragile, but hanging on, I see beauty.  In a world full of mass chaos, I choose to find the beauty in it. This does not mean that I don't have awful days, today has been a day of waxing and waning through tears and hope. Just as his life is a delicate balance, so are my emotions. However, when I walked out the door this evening to go reserve my room at Ronald McDonald house for however much longer we will be here and felt the cool air on my face, I felt a peace wash over me, truly I did.  While some days that falters, I choose to look up to the sky and see the beauty. There lies my Grandma, my Grandpa, baby Tadem and God surrounding me with love and strength when it is lowest. I hope that anyone reading this will choose to find the beauty that is this life.  Tonight, won't you stop doing the laundry. Leave the dishes until later and instead get down on the floor to play with your children. Smell them just once more as they lay peaceful in their beds. Then sit and snuggle on the couch with your partner.  These are things I would give anything to have right now. It is nearing six o' clock as I finish this post and I am in a hospital by my sons bedside and what I wouldn't give for us to be home doing dinner, baths and bedtimes.  Remember the little things my friends. Remember what's important and when you feel frustrated, as we all do, dig deep and see if it matters in the big scheme of things. There you will find your greatest life lessons. 

Thank you Paxton for teaching your MaMa the most valuable lessons she will ever need in her life. You are amazing, beautiful and ever so strong.  

Happy One Month Birthday To The Biggest Fighter I Know! He WILL do this and we will be there every step of the way. How proud you make us son!