Thursday, March 29, 2012

I got nothing...

I write this to you from my phone as I sit in Paxton's hospital bed~again.
We were readmitted today. I have nothing. No clothes, tooth brushes, phone chargers ( went and bought it all) because I didn't think we would be here right now and of course we live two hours away. Pax has a couple of things going on with him. One of which is transient synovitis hip(s). Google it because I haven't the strength to explain and the fluid had also retuned to his right lung. We found this out via our post op appointment today. Meanwhile last night we were in our local ER for his inability to bear weight on either leg. It was super scary as I thought he was throwing a clot. Long story short he just got another iv, what's that like 6 in two weeks. I am again snuggling with him in his bed and we are both heartbroken. We have infectious disease, ortho and cardio coming tomorrow. Rumor has it he is going to need that cath after all since the fluid has returned. Guess we will see on the flip side.

My heart is literally shattered. I said good bye to my boys this morning and they expecteded me home tonight and once again I left and didn't come back. They got me for 2 days. That's it. Tonight it's not fair. Tonight my glass is not only not full, that B is empty. I'm angry and sad. I want my boy to stop being a pincushion and I want my older two to have me as a constant in their lives without worrying if they bat an eye that poof I'll be gone. The tears have yet to stop. Not sure that they will until I am tucked safely in my house again. Please pray this is fast. Next week the boys are on spring break and we had a lot of catching up to do. I want that. I want time with them. I want us to be home damnit. Tonight I am not strong, I am not wearing my big girl pants, and focusing on the positive. Tonight, I got nothing....

9 comments:

Me said...

Try to hang in there Jen :). Continued prayers for Paxton and all of your boys.

Shannon said...

Ah, Though I dont know you, my heart aches for you. My only source of comfort is this will pass. And your older two will forgive you. I am sure they are being well taken care of :) Im praying for your sweet boy.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Jen,
That's tough/rough. Praying for Pax and your family.

~Renae B.

Amy Bennett said...

Oh man, I am SO sorry. This is so freaking unfair. But deep breath. This too shall pass. Remember you're only, what, 2 weeks post-op at this point? Just because you had to leave your other boys now does NOT translate to you always having to leave them in the future - even if it absolutely feels that way. Sending you all BIG hugs and prayers to get out of there for GOOD and SOON!!!!

Heart Hugs,
Amy & Bodie

cici said...

I was heartbroken to read this :(
You know I will Pray for a super quick stay. I am happy you got to go home for a day or two to love and hug your other men.
Now tuck yourself in and know everything will be o.k and home is just around the corner.
Give him a big healing hug from me.

Kelly said...

Oh, I am so sorry to read that you guys are back in the hospital. I hope that they figure out what is going on quickly so that he can get out again soon. In the meantime, please know that I will keep lots of positive thoughts for Paxton's continued recovery coming your way. As a fellow heart mom, I can understand that you can't be strong ('wearing your big girl pants') 100% of the time. But I also know that heart moms are always strong when they need to be and when it matters most - 100% of the time. Today is a new day and I hope that it brings some answers.
Kelly

Janine said...

I'm so sorry you guys have to endure this.
My family will be traveling and have limited internet access for over a week.
I will be keeping you in my prayers and check for updates when I get back.
God Bless.

Christin said...

Oh I am praying for you! I can't imagine how heartbroken you are. I pray this is fast and all the problems are solved quickly. Have you heard the song Strong Enough by Mathew West? Give it a listen. God is always there to pick you up when your not strong enough to stand! Praying for your family!

Anonymous said...

So sorry to read this, it is very unfair, but Pax n ur self will be home shortly n for good this time! Once all this is sorted that's it, you get ur 'normal' life that u have been waiting for for so long.
Keep strong n will be praying for you guys
Elis x

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