Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Waiting

Dear Friends,
If only you all knew how long I have been waiting to see this day. A long time ago pretty shortly after we lost baby Tadem I found a site that does dedications in the sand to babies in heaven. I sent in a request in December and have been looking ever since. Somehow all of this time, I missed it. I was looking so hard and he was right there all along. Please click on the title of this post and scroll down just a bit, to see the breathtaking dedication to my boy. It saddens me when I go to this website for I am slapped in the face with the reality of the hundreds among hundreds of babies that have gone before us to meet Jesus. Yet, without this site, we Mothers and families would still be grappling to find a way to remember and honor our beloved children. If I could lay down in the sand next to his name and cry I would.
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The sunsets and the stars will continually remind me of Tadem and where he has gone to be. What a peace I have found in finding this today. I will spend my evening in yoga reflecting on my loss, my love and my acceptance of this baby. I will give thanks to those who dedicate their lives helping those of us with broken hearts to remember. God Bless Them! Lastly, I will focus on my breath and heal myself of the sorrow that has been filling me up these past couple of days. I miss him, badly and the gentle reminders that he is still with me flow softly in these past days. His tree memorial marker came today. I have not opened it yet. I need time for that one. As the days wind down to his meant to be birthday I am reminded of the ache that has gently eased these past months, it is resurfacing and I let it. It reminds me that he was real. If only to me, in my belly, he was real. I have not forgotten and I never will.
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I will end this post honoring a loss that is still very raw. As life gets busy and I scurry along, I am reminded today that loss is everlasting, maybe not as harsh as it once was but it will always remain. I will honor the heavy ache that rains over my body and heart today. I will go hug my children and smother them in love and I will take time for myself to just be.
Please spend a moment friends, remembering my boy. As are my living children, he was the world to me. Look at his beautiful name in the sand and send a little hug heavenward to a baby that will one day grace our presence.
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I love you Tadem, more than I can ever even begin to write...



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