Friday, December 4, 2009

JOY

While this may sound redundant I have to say I still spend a lot of time each day reveling in the novelty of being home. Spending two entire months in a hospital round the clock really changes you and the things I would have done to be home all that time have yet to escape me. I wonder if they ever will. Course, if they do I will be doing it all over again two more times so I have some reminders lined up. Although, I doubt I will forget. I find I will stop in the moment and realize that I am sitting in my own chair in our beautiful home feeding the baby that was in my belly whom we were unsure would make it more than once.  I find joy in doing all of the little things. I find joy that our family is reunited.  Joy is my word for this holiday season. Keep an eye out for it again coming soon!  Yesterday I spent a good long time going through my emails and facebook in an attempt to get back to so many of those wonderful people who have reached out to me.  I had hundreds upon hundreds of emails to sort through since I find some secret pleasure in never erasing a single one for months on end only to have to go back through them all.  While doing this, I reread many, many comments sent to me from our readers.  Some going as far back as the beginning of our journey just after Paxtons birth.  Each one gave me a glimpse of the road I have traveled with our son.  While I spent each day in the moment, time seems to have eased the severe intensity of them and when I read the comments from this post: 
I was thrown back into that moment with such a clarity that it rocked me. I remember exactly where I was and exactly how I was feeling at that moment! Little did I know when I wrote that post that I still had an entire month to go.  Yet, I sit here on the other side of it.  I am typing at my kitchen table with my son in his swing beside me. One day at a time, we did it.  Time is deceiving. It can creep by ever so slowly at times and then I read previous posts and feel like it was forever ago.  So much has happened since I wrote that post, making it seem so distant.  I was grateful for the chance to go back through all of my emails and be able to rewalk the journey.  I don't often read my posts once they are up so to see that one reminded me just how far we have come.  
As I write this, a very dear friend of mines HLHS baby, just like Paxton, went in for his Glenn surgery ( Paxtons next surgery) yesterday and wound up in the OR for 11 hours with severe bleeding and complications.  He made it out and is fighting for his life as I write this.  I ask all of you to stop right where you are think for one moment about ELEVEN hours.  Her son was in the OR for eleven hours. Can you possibly imagine? I was up all night praying. I could not sleep knowing all that they were going through. I know what it feels like to wait 5 hours. I know what its like to hand your baby over and leave it up to God. As I read her facebook updates I had goosebumps from head to toe. I know and yet I don't know.  This family has never left the hospital since he was born. 5 months. They have never taken him home.  This surgery will allow him to finally do so.  His Mama has a back bone I would give anything for, because you need it during this journey and a stregnth I truly envy.  I ask you all to lift this family up in prayer as their beautiful baby boy fights for his life. These babies don't deserve this and yet it allows them to come home. Baby A is Paxton's heart brother. We have said this from day one and hearing what he had to endure hit me hard. I love them and wish I could wrap her up in my arms and let her cry the cry I know she desperatly needs to. I miss you C, just know very soon we will hear that beautiful boy talking and cooing loudly like we know him to do!

We got our Christmas tree yesterday. Do you know how wonderful that felt?  We got the biggest, most obnoxious one because this is a time to celebrate for us. There were some days that we didnt know if it would happen this year.  We will decorate tonight and I will be sure to share some pictures soon. 

Also, since it happens to be the holiday season, I do have a giveaway coming up!  Keep an eye out.  My readers "get it" and I just know this particular item will resonate with all of you! 

In closing, I leave you with a few pictures. Cause really, who can resist = ) 

(Seriously, look at this baby! He is freaking adorable, I can't even stand it)
(And then there's brother bear. Ahem, chillin in his ride with his shades on. Hey, it works!)
(Then there's my Mason.  Chubby cheeks that he passed on to his baby brother. He who is so strong, he pushes his year older brother around the house like it's nothing)
We just learned that Mason likes to get behind the kids on the bikes at school and hold the seat of them so they can't peddle. Seriously the kid is a tank and SO uses it to his advantage.


Have a great weekend, friends~
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4 comments:

Hilary said...

I'm so, so happy for your family! You are all together and I know this will be such a wonderful Christmas for you all.
And yes, Paxton is absolutely freakin adorable!!

~Jamie Kubeczka~ said...

Ahh... Reading this makes me smile big! I am so glad you are at home enjoying every minute with your family. I bet Paxton is having a good ol' time soaking this all in. Hope your family has a wonderful Christmas!

Melissa G. said...

I'm SO glad you are all together as a family for the holiday season!
Have fun decorating your tree! =)

Anonymous said...

Paxton looks so good! I am so happy for your family to be all together again just like it should be! Love from California, Lorena Mora

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