An dreaded/oh' so ready update!

We just got back from St. Pete. I think I just started to breathe again as well. Yes, you read that right.  We went to see Paxtons cardiac surgeon today to get a date for surgery and for the last week I was all like lets do this, hurry up Monday, hurry up. No sooner do we get there and he tells us "March 15th" and I feel the need to put my head between my legs.  I am so ready to have this behind us and yet hearing it threw me for a loop just the same.  I guess I am kind of at a loss for words right now other than to say that his surgeon is pretty confident Pax will do well. He also said he thinks Pax will feel a lot better once he is healed from surgery.

He will saturate around 90% which has never happened in our little guys life.  He has always walked around with an oxygen level of mid to upper 80's and now in the mid 70's which is quite taxing when you are a wild two year old that steals food off counters and stuffs face before anyone might see.

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In the meantime I prepare my heart to hand over my little boy again.

I prepare my heart to leave my other two loves again. Which after tonight, of one sobbing for mommy to lay with him in bed and the other tuck him in just one more time, is going to kill me.

I begin the prayers that all goes well and that two months from now we can look back on this post and smile knowing Paxton made it through yet another massive surgery and recovery with flying colors.  That two months from now we will be delving in to the most "normal" we will have experienced in two and half freaking years! I think back to all that has happened in that amount of time.  It's like an old movie that plays in my head.  I sometimes wonder if it all really happened, while I know that it did, lord ever do I know that it did, it is such a blur at this point.  When I think back to his birth and the endless hours I sat bedside day after day, I don't know how I did it.  Yet I did, today it seems a lifetime ago.  Time does that for us. Mottles it all.  Softens it.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Blends it all together into one bittersweet story.  One that I will write one day, if life would calm down just long enough to allow me to do so. 

I am so very tired and tomorrow I am playing hooky with my boys. I missed my older two today hard and when I got home they were tired.  They cried from exhaustion, just like their Mommy does and I crawled into bed with each of them and promised them that tomorrow was their day. We aren't going anywhere or doing anything. We are going to stay in our pajamas "for all day long", order pizza for lunch, ride scooters around the house and snuggle in Mommy's bed and let me tell you just how much I am going to eat. it. up. folks.  Try it sometime. You will too.  

 Pray for us would ya.  Big, BIG month coming up.  

Love and Hugs~

J

blurry, but my favorite place to be...

PS~ Paxton pic awesomeness can be seen here! Prepare yourself! They are gorgeous! He is gorgeous! Make sure you let me know what you think! Cause lord know I don't even know where to begin to choose ; )