Thursday, April 2, 2009

Hello Again

Well hello, hello. It has been quite a long time for me since I have posted. I find that by days end I am barely able to cleanse myself with a shower let alone blog. I literally sat on the toilet (the lid, of course, I wasn't actually going and no, I don't know why I chose the toilet) yesterday and prayed to Jesus for energy. I prayed that I might begin to feel the lightening of the first trimesters grip as I enter the second. I will not lie, it is exhausting being pregnant and caring for a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. It is a non stop life and I can truly say that I would not change it for the world. I have the most amazing boys and I give thanks for them, their health, their smiles and their chaos every single day. Sometimes all day. No really, I never thought I would be so blessed in life and I find myself constantly grateful for what I have been bestowed. I picture life with a new little one added to the mix and all I can do is smile. The exhaustion of pregnancy is all so very worth the result. I can't get enough of the two results I have right now tucked in bed.
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Let's see, as of last Friday, after one mini meltdown derived of complete fear and lack of control, one trip to the doctor, one ultrasound, and many kind reassurances from one amazing nurse, a devoted u/s tech and my OB; it's official that West baby #4 is doing just fine. I saw the heartbeat (162 BPM) and saw kicking of the legs. I cried, no really, I sobbed, like well... a baby. There is such a relief in seeing the heartbeat and the movement. I told a friend of mine the other day that pregnancy is not the same as it once was. That's not to say that I am not elated, blissfully happy and excited because I SO am, it's just that I am treading lightly and am more than anxious to get past our 16 week mark. Ultimately I know this is not in my hands and 95% of the time I am in complete acceptance of that but every once in awhile the worries creep up on me and I sob. Typically when I am tired, well... more tired than normal =) or if my hormones fluctuate I see the anxiety build. For now, I am doing well. I have even played out a scenario that I don't want in my head and prepared myself for how to handle it. I hope and pray with all that I am that I don't have to use it but sometimes hitting it head on helps...in some weird way I hope you all can understand. Until our next visit... stay tuned and keep the prayers a comin!
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Hmm... my boys! Where to even begin. Well this past week they have been sick with nasty, nasty colds. Today we ventured out for the first time all week. I awoke with some energy and we went and got the boys haircuts. Austin got his big boy Summer hair cut. I think he looks adorable and those big baby blues are even bigger and bluer without the hair to take away from them!

Yes, that is an orange peel in his mouth. He was running around the house "scaring Mason and I" acting like a monster. Super cute!
Today as I was getting ready to take the boys out, Austin managed to climb up and onto our bar stools. From there he sat on the counter, our very high counter and got a hold of his vitamins that I have up and out of harms reach, or so I thought. He proceeded to eat an undisclosed amount of them. After freaking out and calling poison control it was determined that he would be just fine. I then ran around the house baby proofing the completely already baby proofed house. Sheesh!
My Mae Mae is doing wonderful. Although he thinks he has already turned two, which he still has 5 more months I will have you know, his tantrums erupt like nothing other than the terrible two tantrums. He throws himself on the floor, belly first and kicks and screeches until he realizes that nobody is paying him any mind and then he gets up and wanders into another room feeling rejected, at which point he grabs a blankie and paci and comes back to make up. It quite comical really and I must get it on video for his future dates.
The boys continue to get into trouble as evidenced in the photo below, and really, I wonder why I am tired...

I mean really? Did you have to dump the entire thing and then run your hands through it to make sure it flies ALL over the room. Ahh, the joys of Motherhood. In all truthfulness, I probably did need to vacuum anyway!
They continue to rock my world, they are the cherry on my sundae, the apple of my eye and I never ever want to miss a moment of their lives, although not realistic, I know, I know!

I am just astounded at my love for such tiny little men.
My big man too, must not be excluded for I love him so! He handles me, my ups, my downs, in all my glory with such patience and I am forever grateful to him for building a life with me.
Lastly, thank you Lord for all the things I am so thankful for. For I would not have any of it were it not for you. Thank you for walking with me on this journey we call life and for accepting me for all that I am and all that I am not. For coming to me in my darkest hours and for surprising me in the simple times you have graced me as well. Thank you for sending me Tadem, even for the short time that it was, so that I could find my way to you. I think back to my life before you and it seems I had it all wrong. Sometimes the most unexpected, grief stricken moments in life can lead us to the most clarity we have ever known.
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For now, I am signing off. Time to get some shut eye. Thanks for checking in on our little corner of the world. I will try to update more often, until then may God keep you in the palm of his hand.

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