Monday, April 16, 2012

Thank You's To Paxtons Warriors

Life is seemingly back to normal.  I spent last week running errands, taking the children to the various places they needed to be, cooked dinner and found myself just above the pile of ever mounting laundry that is a constant in this house.  To some this may be boring, to me, it is perfection.  Others are just beginning this journey and some are in the thick of it as I write this. I am not going to lie, I don't want to be there again.  I want to be here at home going to teacher conferences this week and chasing my kids around the house until they finally get their grubby boy selves in the shower. Why is it that boys despise getting clean anyway....


My point is that it doesn't have to be huge to be amazing.  One of the best lessons I have learned living the hospital life.  A lesson I am reminded of daily as I follow my other special needs families still fighting the fight.  My heart aches for them in the midst of their daily battles because I know how deeply they want to be where I am at this moment. It is reading their posts and their updates that often make me wonder why it has to be hard for so many, but easy isn't awesome now is it.  Easy doesn't teach us to grow and blossom in ways we never knew we could. Easy doesn't teach us in two years what some never learn in a lifetime. If you take nothing from this lil ole' blog of mine, it is that!

Which leads me to this post I have been mulling over since the pictures and prayers started coming in.  Today tested me.  Today we woke up to find out that our company had been broken into over the weekend and all of our equipment had been stolen. The company my husband worked his ass off to build and keep alive in this ever competitive market.  It was not just us, apparently these people were going big and got 12 other companies as well.  I was angry and bitter and could only think how shi*%y people can be. I wondered if these so called people had known what this family had just been through would it have changed things, but I also know people like that don't care either.  Just as most people are doing in these times, we are just trying to get ahead. To put away for college, pay off medical debt up to our ears, save to build a pool for our boys to frolick in all Summer.  (and while I know a pool is a luxury, it is also a luxury that would be well used in a house with a little boy who tires easily and can't be out and about but for small chunks of time. It would allow the older two boys to continue to play and burn off all their energy while Paxton rests, just in case anyone wanted to lecture me ;)  Today all of that was put on hold and I wanted a moment with those people that robbed my husbands hard work and the food out of our families mouths.  I found myself for just a moment being angry at people, like really angry.  Then I walked into the living room and saw my boy playing with his cars and I was reminded how last month at this time he was one day post op. I remembered the people that we're pounding on God's door for our family.  I remembered those picking up my kids, feeding them, bringing them home, picking up groceries for us. I remembered the people, some we don't even know making meals for our family.  Those wearing Praying for Paxton bracelets.  I remembered the GOOD that is still left in the world.  Those bad people... while they may put us back for quite some time, they will not break us.  So we will still have medical bills and we won't be getting our pool, but we have Paxton and friends surrounding us in droves and that is more than they will ever have.

I found it quite coincidental that as this thank you post was on my To Do list for today that we woke up and found out what we did.  It made the gratefulness that much stronger. It made those two words, thank you, not really seem like enough, then again I have said that all along.  There aren't words to express the gratitude that fills your heart when people drop everything to help when your family is at stake.  But thank you will have to do, for as viced as I am with words, I have none powerful enough to express all that we felt in those weeks leading up to and during Paxton's surgery.

It's breathtaking to me.  How one little boy can change so many. The letters, emails, texts and comments I received not only reiterated this for me, but kept me afloat in the weakest times. Prior to Paxton, I did not know how to ask for help, to allow people in, to trust in the journey.  Today I have allowed myself to  become less sheltered and to let those amazing people in my life to remind me that I can do this when I doubt myself, to take care of my family when it needs some TLC and to love on my boys when I can't be there to do so.

So thank you all.  I could list people all day long, but for fear of forgetting someone I am just going to leave it with~ you know who you are.

I received a gift the other day from an old prayer warrior and new friend.  What she wrote meant so very much to me as we end this journey and hopefully head into a brand new one....

I have an ending now.... Let's move on to the next chapter....

Love and hugs~

1 comment:

Amy Bennett said...

Like usual, you have me in tears. LOVE this post. Cannot wait to be in your shoes, reflecting on my amazing heart warrior being post-Fontan!!! xoxo

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