Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I think it's time for a stream of consciousness post....

So we are closing in on about 4 months since I have been able to get my "hurr did" and let me tell you how nappy my roots we're getting.  Point of my story being that I came home with gorgeous, can only be that gorgeous unless a stylist does them locks today and my boys start to full blown panic about "where I was going and would I tuck them in?", it didn't occur to me until later as to why.  My hair was down and pretty and not wrapped up in a messy bun on the top of my head, therefore I had to have been heading out. Which led me to think that maybe I should try to pull myself together a bit more once in awhile.







































I'm sexy and I know it :0

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Then I remembered where I spent my day yesterday and that I would no sooner want to "pull myself together" if someone offered me money.  I spent the majority of it in a car heading back to.... yep you guessed it~ All Children's Hospital.  Paxton's incision, that I mentioned in the last post, got exceedingly worse.  Like kinda really bad looking.  So I packed our bags, fully prepared to be admitted. I can say it looked admittedworthy too.






































I spent the night before preparing myself to not come home, to sleep on that ole' vinyl couch, to watch my son get poked some more and to be separated from my older two babies again.






































I drove there, Pax sound asleep in the backseat, contemplating the world.  Contemplating this journey I was unwillingly handed, but would graciously accept a million times over to have the little boy that I do today.






































Have I mentioned how massive this kids mouth is... seriously a tennis ball could fit in there.  Apple doesn't fall far I suppose... Dave and I like to call this pic the "peace out ACH shot"!  Priceless!!!!
Clearly we were not admitted. I have now decided that if I fully prepare and pack a bunch of sh*%, that I can sort of jinx the situation and we would not have to stay.  Alas, that was the case this time.  Paxton had a reaction to the suture in his incision. Because he was afebrile and had no drainage they agreed to send us home on oral antibiotics instead of admitting for iv ones.  I wanted to jump into the cardiologist and surgical pa's arms screaming thank you thank you!!! I refrained. Just this once ;)


That's my boy~ LEAVING!!!!


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What I didn't prepare myself for in all that preparation I did was that I would walk back into ACH and see this adorable pregnant woman with her husband on several different occasions. They had welcome packets in their arms (as if there is any sort of welcome happening at a children's hospital)  and coincidentally they checked in right at the cardiologists office Pax and I were waiting to be seen at.  A few moments later one of the nurses came out to give them "the tour".  They were smiling and making small talk. I knew what they were feeling inside.  I knew the smiles were fake and I knew that once they made their way 3 stories higher to the CVICU that she would more than likely wind up in tears just as I did on my tour.  They were just beginning this journey.  They are spending every night on bended knee until their baby arrives.  I wondered if it was their first.  I wondered what the defect was.  I wanted to talk to them.  Me, the once ultra shy girl wanted to sit down and talk for hours with them.  I  wanted to have the book I long to find time to write in my arms to hand them.  For her to go home and read~mother to mother~ about the road that is being laid out for them.  Not that our journey can make theirs easier, but at the very least they might be able to read ours and have some sliver of insight on what lies ahead. What I would have given 2 1/2 years ago for that....

Speaking of wanting to talk to that presh couple, I am still amazed at how much I have evolved over the years.  Part of it is due to my husband and his ability to talk to the lamp post beside him. Truly, the guy makes friends with e.v.e.r.y.one.  A trait I was always enviable of because 5 years ago I would rather slit my wrists than try to make small talk with someone I don't know.  Then Pax came along and I had to learn to make serious small talk for hours with nurses and other hospital parents I didn't know.  It was a good life lesson because I would have to learn to do that in the coming years~ a lot! I had to find my  voice and be an advocate for my son.  While I am still learning to do that for sure, I have come so, so far! Just another thing I can add to Paxton's list of things that boy has taught me.  Who knew a newborn baby would teach me more than I had ever learned the 30 years prior....

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And that is exactly what I told my hairdresser Jen today.  A little baby has taught me more in two years than a lifetime without him ever would.  Speaking of a baby teaching people things.... stay tuned because Paxton West is making headlines ; )






















Love and hugs~
J

big, BIG heart hugs out to Zoey and her family as they embark on their Fontan journey two days from now.  I know the knots that have risen as the hours wind closer. I am thinking of you all daily!

1 comment:

cici said...

Hugs of happiness and I wanna see your new do! :)

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