Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Whah...Whah...Whahhhh...

Here is where I tell you that I have been up to my eyeballs in life.  In getting back to the basics and where I apologize for not at least letting you know sooner that we are home and Paxton is well.  First and foremost to me is being a Mommy and once I stepped foot back on 239 territory everything else fell to the wayside.  I missed the boys first day of their new school so I  had to have a redo of that day.  I had a stack of bills worth hundreds of thousands to sort through ( naturally most of them were medical)  I had to go though all of the boys paperwork and help Paxton with pain management and eating.  All this after zero to no sleep for seven days. I tell ya folks I just dont know how I partied studied like a rock star in college. Thinking back to those days now I am quite impressed with myself.
Ahem...on to more important things like brotherly reunions, birthday parties and being surrounded by the ones who love us most, when needed most.

 <3 you Li! Thank you for picking me up...

 Nanny Max.  As always,  girlfriend keeps it together at the Wests in my absence.  

Oh' sister! "Til death do us part B!"

Grammy Cindy, Aunt Niki and my Godson Jack came all the way from South Carolina to join us.  Can you say heart...full...of...happiness!

***************

Paxton had his g tube placed on September 9th and we were released on September 11th.



 He did amazing. He woke up and while pretty painful, was amazingly affectionate and playful.  I got to watch Nemo that week approximately 972 times, the bright side of that is I got to hear Dori remind me 972 times to "just keep swimming"  when I found myself wanting to melt.   I belieive one of my facebook posts went something like this:


It's official! We are here until tomorrow to monitor for swelling.  It's also official that my leg hair is approximately 4 inches long.  I am now stylin dreads and the bags under my eyes are nearly touching my boobs at this point.  Hotness all rolled into one right here. Tomorrow is gonna be awesomeee!  

And it was.

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We are home now.  Paxton while sensitive is no longer in pain. He is eating for the most part on his own again.  The tube however, allows me to help him when he gets to tired to eat.  It will prevent him from getting dehydrated therefore landing us back in the hospital.  I am grateful for the safety net that is the gastrostomy tube.  I am also shouting from the rooftops how happy I am that Paxton leaves his "boo boo" alone. I had visions of him yanking that bastard right out of his stomach. He looks at it and says "ewwwwww isgusting" every time he sees it (and yes I spelled it the way he says it), but it's like he knows its there to help him.  Some pictures of the week long journey below. All different days, same clothes as indicated by facebook post above.  Hospital life is definetly not paparazzi worthy unless of course you are Paxton freaking West!!!



apple doesn't fall far....



So I can't reach the shelves in my kitchen, but 5'2" is the best gift in the world right here! 



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I had an official redo of the boys first day at their new school.  To which they happen to L.O.V.E.  and I am T.H.R.I.L.L.E.D with myself.  The boys teachers are A-mazing and in a mere two weeks I can see big changes in Austin already.  This hurdle I have been debating jumping for some time now, was a success.

Their first day at their new school

Re-do with Mommy (and Masons girlfriend Karly)

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Fast forward 1 week:

I got home just in time to launch myself into fifth gear prepping for the boys birthday party in a mere 5 days.  You know we do birthdays big here in the West house, so I had a lot to do. Not a single thing was done, for I had no idea we would be hospitalized for so long.  I give thanks though that we were out in time to prep and carry on with our pirate plans.

We had an epic celebration for two boys that continually step aside for their baby brother time and again and do so with brave hearts.  I know it isn't easy when we disappear for days, sometimes even weeks at a time from their lives only to poof return back home.   My heart was bursting to throw them this party. To give them their day.

They asked and we brought.  It was perfection.  Surrounded by family and friends. Piercing screams of little boys tearing through the joint with blow up swords. Oh it was heavenly.  For I will trade those screams any day for those of the monotonous beep...beep....BEEP's of ICU monitors.  Only pictures at this point could portray the enthusiasm that filled that room.

Arrr Mateys....




NEED!


Adie working that camera

 My Godson Jack

No inkling who this lady is, but God bless her for taking on these boys

 He thought he was so cool sporting his pirate patch!

Spiderman i.e. Birthday Boy Mason

 Best Friends Foreverrrr!


 All he wants is to be one of the boys... and he so is.


Whatever that wish is Austin and Mason...I will do my best to make it come true...

*************

For all the times we wind up hospitalized, I leave that place a wiser, deeper, more grateful person.  This is not to say that I haven't been an exhausted grump, because that I have been.  No sleep is certainly a form of torture and at the end of the day, it quite often catches up with me.  My husband is the brunt of it and yet he still loves me in spite of it.  He praises me over and over. He gets me diet cokes even if its 11 o'clock at night. I fish like a little girl to be reassured that I am doing this ok, that I did it ok and he reminds me that in the depths of my exhaustion I continue to get it right.  When the option isn't there to fall, you don't  This I have learned.

My list  continues to grow longer and longer. For every thing I mark off three more are added, but I take a deep breath, remind myself what matters, what can wait and what tomorrow will bring.
Shortly after we got back Dave and I went on date night, down to this little outside bar (a bar...shocking I know ;) on the water.  Right across the way is this little breakfast cafe'.  I remember looking at it and looking at him, I said you don't remember this, but nearly 3 years ago I sat at that table with my mom and sister just after we lost Tadem. It was the first time I had been out in public since I had surgery to remove him.  I robotically ate, I will never forget the fog that encompassed me.  I hated that life went on around me when I was so deeply broken.  I told my husband this story and how I sat today looking at that cafe in complete and utter awe of how far I had come.  I did not think I would be ok and I was.  I am. We are.
Tadem prepared me for Paxton. Tadem is Austin, Mason and Paxtons guardian angel.  They say for every person that passes new life is born, this I believe.  There is a lesson behind everything. While it may take years to find, if you open yourself up to its possibility you will find it.

I find it here:
Sleepover with Mommy



and here:






and here:





Happy Birthday Boys.  I am pretty sure you already know at 4 and 5 the depths to which I love and adore you.  Your birthday letters for your memory box will follow shortly behind this.

As I habitually do, I wonder where we will be next year at this time....


For those who continue to drop in and peek at our corner of the world in spite of my tardiness in writing, I thank you.  I will never trade this for them.  Now that we are home and settling back in, Tuesdays will be my writing day and you will hear from us a lot more.  Paxton has a lot to teach us all.  He is just shy of his second birthday as well.  Lots of celebrating around these parts so stick around.

Remember this does not end here....

Love and hugs,

j

2 comments:

Amy Bennett said...

This post was beautiful. OMG, the last part literally had me in tears. You are such an incredible mom - such a model for all of us heart moms to follow. Thank you for giving us someone so amazing to emulate!

cici said...

I am so sorry, I never knew about your loss of Tadem. You are right about Guardian Angels watching over.
My how Paxton has grown into a real boy. I miss your postings and often wonder how that sweet boy is doing and I always hope that no news is good news and you are doing well and happy.
You so deserve that!
{{{hugs from an internet friend}}} :)

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