Recipe For Life...
So many things on my mind, so little time. We have big changes taking place around here. All for the better. Mommy has been hard at work trying to get some things figured out and next week they will take place.
Today unbeknownst to me, Paxton became a star. Not that he already wasn't, but now it's in print. Oh' yah, his magazine debut hit the shelves today! Proud beyond measure. I didn't think this cup could runneth over any more than it already does, but I suppose there is always a little more room. If this helps one family, then Pax has done what he was put here to do. Oh' how I look at that and can't believe he is sick. He looks amazing and gorgeous and perfectly well...healthy.
Speaking of Pax, we had a little emergency room trip on Sunday. We have given new meaning to the name wild, wild wests! Boys are obsessed with their ride on tractors and we go on them just about every. single. day. as I wrote in my last post. Well, this time around Mason, bless his wild heart, was full speed ahead showing off when he knocked Paxton down and ran him over with that 50 pound tractor (plus two brothers on it) with all its weight right across the back of his chest. You know, that chest that's been cut open twice. That chest that encases half a heart. Gahhhh! Talk about freaking your freak!
It happened so fast neither Dave nor I could move. We just stood their like raging idiots frozen in our tracks. We couldn't believe our eyes. Good to know we have good reaction time....or not.
I picked him up, ran him inside and called cardiology. They said he was probably fine, but that it was a lot of weight on him so to take him in. We did. He was fine, thank you God, and it turned out to be the fastest ER trip we have ever had. It was kind of a thrill to go in and be released in an hour, we never get to do that, so we pranced out of there all badass, singing "peace out NCH!" in our heads. Tough doesn't even begin to describe that boy!
UPDATE (saturday 9/3) :
The above portion of this post was started the other night. I have not been able to come back until today. It has been a "uber" emotional week. I don't know why, I only know that Paxton consumes my mind. I have a a very hard time differentiating between fear and mother's intuition. The two make out all to much and I can't see one or the other. I laid in bed a couple days ago and just let er all hang out. He's growing, he's now a star (sort of ;) his heart is working ultra hard, he pants~hard, he sits down mid activity, perhaps in the aisle of Michaels craft store, because he can walk no more. I pick him up and hug to me. Today in spite of an amazing morning, he is vomiting. I sense something is up, but cannot name it and not having a name to something kills me, especially with him. He has been attached to me, he wants Mommy when something is not right, if he's sick, if he's hurt....
And I realize this will never go away. So I cry when I need to, for hours sometimes, prepare for the worst and hope/pray/beg for the best. So far so good right.
And now that I have had diarrhea of the heart, lets get on to happier things like my boo being a star! Oh yah. I may or may not have his cover already framed in every room of the house. There is a pride in him that outweighs anything. Like this morning when he ran his first 100 meter kiddie dash.
I wish with all that I had that I could do this for him, fix this for him, take this on for him, but all of this makes Pax who he is so how could I change it... At least he had apparently been bitten by the running bug. He knows this is how Mommy channels it all so, he thought he would give it a shot too.
Oh pavement and keyboard....how you are my solace in this life.
Oh and I have been told to remind you all that we have a countdown til party day around here. Not sure when I will EVER learn to not let the boys know about things to early, because all I hear everyday all day is "Mommy, is it party day yet?" We do birthdays big and I thrive off the build up and excitement for them.
So while some days I have to step away an d some days we/I may falter, seeing this smile.....
.... always allows me to see another day. To submerge myself in moments of bath time with Pax or dinner talks with Mason.
Goodnight moon....
Love and hugs,
J
ps--That night in the everglades I mentioned in the last post.... awesomeness! My West Virginian butt ate. that. up.
Today unbeknownst to me, Paxton became a star. Not that he already wasn't, but now it's in print. Oh' yah, his magazine debut hit the shelves today! Proud beyond measure. I didn't think this cup could runneth over any more than it already does, but I suppose there is always a little more room. If this helps one family, then Pax has done what he was put here to do. Oh' how I look at that and can't believe he is sick. He looks amazing and gorgeous and perfectly well...healthy.
Speaking of Pax, we had a little emergency room trip on Sunday. We have given new meaning to the name wild, wild wests! Boys are obsessed with their ride on tractors and we go on them just about every. single. day. as I wrote in my last post. Well, this time around Mason, bless his wild heart, was full speed ahead showing off when he knocked Paxton down and ran him over with that 50 pound tractor (plus two brothers on it) with all its weight right across the back of his chest. You know, that chest that's been cut open twice. That chest that encases half a heart. Gahhhh! Talk about freaking your freak!
It happened so fast neither Dave nor I could move. We just stood their like raging idiots frozen in our tracks. We couldn't believe our eyes. Good to know we have good reaction time....or not.
I picked him up, ran him inside and called cardiology. They said he was probably fine, but that it was a lot of weight on him so to take him in. We did. He was fine, thank you God, and it turned out to be the fastest ER trip we have ever had. It was kind of a thrill to go in and be released in an hour, we never get to do that, so we pranced out of there all badass, singing "peace out NCH!" in our heads. Tough doesn't even begin to describe that boy!
 |
| my favorite tongue of concentration, so very austin of him. |
UPDATE (saturday 9/3) :
The above portion of this post was started the other night. I have not been able to come back until today. It has been a "uber" emotional week. I don't know why, I only know that Paxton consumes my mind. I have a a very hard time differentiating between fear and mother's intuition. The two make out all to much and I can't see one or the other. I laid in bed a couple days ago and just let er all hang out. He's growing, he's now a star (sort of ;) his heart is working ultra hard, he pants~hard, he sits down mid activity, perhaps in the aisle of Michaels craft store, because he can walk no more. I pick him up and hug to me. Today in spite of an amazing morning, he is vomiting. I sense something is up, but cannot name it and not having a name to something kills me, especially with him. He has been attached to me, he wants Mommy when something is not right, if he's sick, if he's hurt....
And I realize this will never go away. So I cry when I need to, for hours sometimes, prepare for the worst and hope/pray/beg for the best. So far so good right.
And now that I have had diarrhea of the heart, lets get on to happier things like my boo being a star! Oh yah. I may or may not have his cover already framed in every room of the house. There is a pride in him that outweighs anything. Like this morning when he ran his first 100 meter kiddie dash.
 |
| that's my daddy in the navy shirt cheering all of the kids on |
I wish with all that I had that I could do this for him, fix this for him, take this on for him, but all of this makes Pax who he is so how could I change it... At least he had apparently been bitten by the running bug. He knows this is how Mommy channels it all so, he thought he would give it a shot too.
Oh pavement and keyboard....how you are my solace in this life.
 |
| this is where dave and i got married 4 years ago. i looked at it today and was in awe of the journey our lives have taken... **************************** |
The older two boys will be starting a new school on Tuesday. That is the change I have been working hard on that I mentioned above. It's a smaller school with smaller class sizes and for my boys that is of utmost importance to us. They are extremely excited to start and I am thrilled to see just how much they flourish in their new environment. So we will have a redo of first day of school pics coming up after the holiday weekend. Paxton gave the ok on the school too. We took Daddy in for a tour and he was in heaven. I even ahem....mentioned a half day slot for him day because he wants ever so badly to attend big boy school. The other two were already in two days a week for socialization, but I haven't been able to let go of Pax just yet. Much to my relief they did not have a spot. I feel I tried for Pax and it worked out how it should. Just as it worked out that there happened to be two very needed spots at this new school at the exact time we looked. There was a higher power putting all of these pieces together for us. HE has our back and I am ever so grateful.
Oh and I have been told to remind you all that we have a countdown til party day around here. Not sure when I will EVER learn to not let the boys know about things to early, because all I hear everyday all day is "Mommy, is it party day yet?" We do birthdays big and I thrive off the build up and excitement for them.
********************
So while some days I have to step away an d some days we/I may falter, seeing this smile.....
.... always allows me to see another day. To submerge myself in moments of bath time with Pax or dinner talks with Mason.
These are the moments right here. I cherish each and every one of them for all to fast they will be a fleeting memory. I have so many of those, children and otherwise. My head and my heart are full of so many moments and I take each one "tuck them away and go to them when I have nothing else". Sometimes daily. A lot when I am running in the wee hours of the morning. It's like an old movie that just keeps playing over and over. A reel that continually streams happiness, heartache, lessons and love... And that is the recipe of life.
Goodnight moon....
Love and hugs,
J
ps--That night in the everglades I mentioned in the last post.... awesomeness! My West Virginian butt ate. that. up.
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