My Dawn

May 20, 2010

It is 6:30 in the morning. I have been up since 4 am. I have already fed and changed the baby, worked out from 5 to 6 and showered. I am now sitting in my favorite chair, the house ever so silent, which is rare around these parts, staring out our window at the lake. The sun is just beginning to rise and I am content. There are many what ifs in our world right now, but for the moment, maybe just these next few minutes before the hustle and bustle of life begins, I am at peace with whatever lies ahead.

The world before it has woken... oh' how I love it. The early morning hours when life is still still, it's my favorite time. To reflect. To pray. To love. To stare.

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Paxton is having some heart issues. We are headed to Tampa to see why this is. In all honesty the doctors don't know what is going on with him. They can't explain why he continually looks sun burnt and bloodshot. This was to be expected just after surgery, but not six weeks post op. Tomorrow I am hoping for answers from his heart cath doctor and have pretty much already decided we will not be leaving without a heart cath date.

I am obsessed with this child.

Well... I am obsessed with all of my children, but this baby, he has stolen my heart. Maybe because I know he is my last. Maybe because of all he has been through and clearly still has to go through. Oh' the sweet, sweet joy he brings me. There is nothing better in the world than laying in bed with him listening to the sounds he makes as he dreams of never never land. I cherish each second with him, never want to put him down, never want to be apart from him. He is such a miraculous gift and it seems not a second goes by that I am not conscious of that.

My boys are doing awesome. They are all three without a doubt Mamas boys. Each so different and yet so perfect. I spend my days in awe watching them as they make their way in this life. It's such a beautiful thing to still be a child and so we do just that, be children. We wrestle, run around screaming, ride bikes, go to the beach and in doing so I savor every precious moment of this time with my babies before they are grown and gone. I canNOT believe Austin is almost 4 and Mason is almost 3. Oh time won't you please stand still for me...

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Summer is upon us and while the heat is stifling, we venture out in early mornings and late evenings to do what we do best. Me, with my new mothers day camera in hand, happy as a clam snapping pictures of my littles, ignoring every comment of passerbys that feel the need to say " wow, she has her hands full" as if I didn't plan these gifts. My hands are full, yes, but full of love, life and preciousness. Chaos, oh heck yah, but what is life without chaos. My husband and I often sit together and wonder what else in the world would we be doing if we chose not to have children. Nothing worthwhile, to us, anyway. I love when I walk in a room and trip over a toy or see the mess they leave in their wake.

I love hearing them belly laugh. I love hearing them say "Mommy you happy today?" they are learning about emotions in school right now. I love hearing Paxton say "nana" and "dada". No "mama" yet, of course, but I know it will come. I love watching him shake his head NO at everything. I love to see people watch me walk out from pick up with their jaws practically on the floor as I have one in a stroller, two on either side of me, two backpacks and lunch boxes. I love when the boys tell me "no hit" when I lovingly tap my husband. I love Paxtons two bottom teeth and the first upper eye tooth coming in. I love it all.

So....

Without further ado... Long awaited pictures of my "boo's"