The Wild Wild Wests

It's not called the sunshine state for nothing. Oh' sunny Florida, how we love you. Thursday was the first time this spring that allowed for my sweet boys to immerse themselves in the pools they've been begging for me to take them to.  We all know there is nothing that wears out our little children like an afternoon of kicking and paddling. Taking quick breaks for ice cream sandwiches and cuddles from Mom, only to turn around and make a break right back to the pool.  For Those Who Can't Yet Eat Ice Cream And Go Swimming, There's Reading. And My Personal Favorite... Napping! For those who can't nap (me) I simply adore watching a sleeping baby, watching my boys frolic about and relaxing outside. ******* We spent this sweet Sunday as a family at the local water park. Roaming the cool waters, enjoying the togetherness, where sunscreen and chlorine fills the air and the worries of the world seem to wash away in the water. There's nothing we enjoy more than being ...

As the days roll closer to my boys surgery, I find myself avoiding calendars and knowing the date.  I just want to pretend it isn't as close as it is.  I woke up yesterday in a foul mood, it happens sometimes.  I was/am scared, even a little angry and it was obvious.  Anyone who knows me well knows that my anger turns very quickly into tears.  I walked over to Paxtons cradle, stared at him and sobbed. He's so gorgeous and perfect and I sobbed for all that he has been through, all that he is about to go through and all that I cannot change.  My heart overflows with so many emotions for him, above all love.  He's my baby.  He's 17 pounds, big for him, but still a tiny little man.  He's so innocent. With zero idea what lies ahead and while that is essentially a good thing, I just feel like I am a bad Mom for having to hand him over to have his chest opened up again.  The bones that surround his little heart are held together by wires that ...

Ahh, life with boys means destroying the play room by throwing every last toy on the floor just to hear it "boom crash!" Then climbing the shelves that Pa Paw so intelligently bolted to the walls to see how high they can get.   Truly, this needs no words. It's simply,  life with boys (and husbands =) I step away for two seconds to change Paxtons diaper and leave it to boys to find a way to hide from me in the blink of an eye. Here is where I found them! And here is what gave them away... Tipping over their train table to make a trampoline... at least they are creative! WWF on the train/trampoline. Even better! (For those who think I am crazy for having my children so close together...this is why!) A couple side notes without photos to life with boys: (mainly for me to remember) The doorbell rang at 7:30 am this morning and the boys yelled "PIZZA!" Guess we better cut back on the take out.  I coughed the other day and Austin sternly says to me, "cover your ...

I went in to the boys school to pick them up yesterday and was talking to the receptionist (who also happens to be one of our babysitters) updating her on Paxton.  Another mom standing by overheard me talking about him and must have put two and two together because I never said Paxton's name. She looked at me and said, "are you Paxton's mom?" I said yes I am.  She said, "oh wow it's so nice to meet you, I am so and so.  You are famous and don't even know it."  I, of course went on to say that Paxton is our little fighter and is one of the strongest people I know.  I left there thinking about our conversation.  I know she meant absolutely no harm by her words, but all I could think is what I would give to be a nobody and have my son be healthy. Now, obviously we aren't really famous, but she did know who we were simply by the conversation I was having with someone else.  It sort of made me sad in some ways. I realized laying in bed last night how ...

Paxton is sick.  He can't sleep. He is uncomfortable. Can't breathe.  Has an ear infection.  Last night proved to be an extremely long night.  The downward spiral started around 7:30 pm just after I put the older two boys down and did not end until sometime around 9:00 am this morning.  The only other time I have seen time crawl so slowly was while waiting to hear he made it out of his surgeries.  He cried and coughed and cried some more.  He just couldn't get settled.  We rocked.  We walked. We tried to eat many, many times. The likes of my nightstand shows that.  He would fall asleep in my arms and when I would try to lay him down (elevated of course) he would cry.  So finally, somehow, in my fog I thought of this: His stroller. Oh yah!  I laid him in it and pushed him all around our room.  Until he was finally out. He slept for about half an hour. You know, the just when you doze off only to sit straight up in bed trying to figure out what the heck is going on moment.  S...

Somehow when you have a sick baby, you begin to hear about all the other sick babies. Ones that have done better than yours and ones that are so much worse than yours.  To us, this journey is so hard, but there is so much more suffering going on. It makes me realize our blessings. It makes me realize that in some strange way Paxton is actually healthy compared to others out there. Those who cannot eat by mouth. Who cannot gain weight. Who cannot come home.  He is here with us now.   He is thriving.   I am learning day by day to find the silver lining in the changes that have happened in our life. To realize that for every bad moment we are having, someone is having an even worse one.  For every fear we are feeling, someones worst fear has come true.  So I try and try and try to take each day as it comes. To breathe, relax and find pleasure in the simple moments. Like playing fireman with my Austin who knows that real men wear pink = ) ( it's actually from the breast cancer race) Or...

If there's anything I can say about having boys, it's that you live your life outdoors.   I love that about them. I also love cool weather, but what I really love is a day like today. Where the sun shines warm on our faces, the wind blowing through making Paxton catch his breath as he learns how to react when a force of air glides across his face.   Paxton lays down on a blanket in the grass for the first time and stares at the ever so blue sky. The same sky full of clouds that his brother Austin swears he sees a crab and an octopus as he looks up at the shapes those clouds are transformed into. I giggle at his imagination! Chubby little feet slap the pavement when they run and get buried in the grass. They ram their mini four wheelers into trees so hard that it knocks them backwards and off, only to fall into fits of laughter in the grass at their super cool trick they just performed.   Taking time to love on our cat who also seems to be enjoying the weather. Chasing each othe...

Not a date I am looking forward to, but a date indeed.  April 13th Paxton will be having his second open heart surgery in a mere 6 months.  To date he has endured and survived the Norwood (open heart surgery at 4 days old), surgery to place a g-tube (feeding tube), living the first two months of life in a hospital bed and just recently a heart catherization.  More medications than I can count and more needles and i.v.'s  than any person should have to endure.  I knew the time was coming.  It's still hard to wrap my head around how our lives have changed. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that Paxton is not well.  I mean he's almost 17 pounds. He laughs. He cries. He appears to the unknowing eye, healthy.  I just can't believe we have to do this again.  I am more terrified than I can ever put into words.  I spend nearly every minute of every day with Paxton on my hip or by my side.  I cling to moments with him always knowing in the very corner of my mind that...

As I mentioned before, I have found that the most therapeutic thing in the world for me right now is running. It's sort of in blood. My Dad has run all of his life. I ran in high school and my first year of college. My sister and brother even run.  Dad seems to pass this love of pounding the pavement on to al of his children.   In January, my sister let me know she was running a local half marathon here in town. While I had not been training and just had a baby months before I knew I wanted to help her.  SO much of distance is mental and time teaches you that.  So I knew I could do it having done it before and I did. That's not to say it was easy, it was not. I hit a wall HARD at mile 10 and practically crawled through the finish line, but no walking. We don't walk. It's just Dad's rule.  After I did the half in January I knew the feeling I was feeling in my body. That high they talk about runners getting. I felt for the first time in months, some peace inside my bo...