The Wild Wild Wests

OH. MY. HEAVENS. It just doesn't get any better...

The mind can play dirty, nasty tricks on us. Mine loves to at night, when I am in a deep sleep and have no control over the thoughts that bombard it. I am so very busy during the day that I am able to keep any scary, worrisome thoughts at bay. Only problem is they love to catch up with me at night.  I spent many a nights a wreck while Paxton was still in my belly, but this, now, is just awful. I guess it's because I am so close to my little man now. That's not to say I wasn't bonded with him in utero , I most certainly was, especially after losing Tadem , but now that he spends nearly every minute of the day and night with me, it's a bond I cannot describe.  He lights up when I walk in the room. He calms when I (and Kimmie, his Nana, shall we call her =) holds him.  It's such a bond. So when last night, I was in the deepest sleep and dreamt that my husband was laying on our bathroom floor sobbing and screaming "he's going to die" I cannot describe to ...

We spent last weekend at the downtown parade and I just had to share some pictures of what are obviously two of the most gorgeous little boys on the planet. Yes, the eyelashes and eyebrow on Austin's right side are white and yes, it is absolutely adorable. Rarely does anyone look at him without mentioning how cool it is. Not sure if this is going to give him an ego boost or make him self consious. Leave it to adults to always point out the obvious right to a child's face. Oh, Mason those cheeks! Honestly, how am I not to supposed to smother you all day. I always thought he got those cheeks from Daddy until I looked at the picture below and I hadn't realized that I, too, have cheeks. Maybe I need to lose some weight or maybe they are genetic, either way you don't realize these things until you look at pictures of yourself.  In any case, why do they look sooo much better on Mason than me = ) So here he may look like me but when you look at the next picture you will see ...

Oh dear friends, I sure feel like I have written this so much lately, but exhaustion hangs on my every limb.  Not only did I catch the flu, but apparently my body doesn't feel the need to sleep anymore. I will fall into bed exhausted beyond measure only to wake up around 1 and stare at the ceiling for hours and I do mean hours.  It's taking a toll on me. I am guessing it's due to my nerves.  I find my mind wandering and have to get up to distract myself.  I will say I have read and finished the best book called THE HELP by Kathryn Stockett . I was literally sad that it ended. That was a wonderful distraction. If anyone knows of another book I should buy to distract me in the next few weeks, do share please!!!  So while I have sooooo much to catch up on, tonight I am going to rest. As much as I want to sit down and write. As much as I want to share all of the amazing pictures of all my babies with you, I have to allow myself to rest.  I promise that just as soon as I get c...

First off I would like to thank my readers who continue to fill me up with their encouraging comments.  I have been contacted personally by more than a few of you. Many of you whom I had no inkling were even reading my random thoughts and feelings. It more than fascinates me why someone would stop and continue reading about us when they don't even know us and yet I do it too. There are a handful of blogs I follow, big blogs mostly and a few personal near and dear to my heart blogs, and to know that I have people that I don't even know that have "stumbled" upon us and reach out to us is heart warming. Thank you. Each and every one of you who choose to stop by whether silently or otherwise.  I think our story is kinda neat and while this blog just started as a journal it has become a pathway to so many other things and I am just so grateful.  I have always been known as super sensitive. If you asked my parents that question they would surely laugh, it is the many moment...

I like to call it.... Life with boys! Cause why wouldn't the trunk of a motorcycle be good storage for Valentines Candy... Pretzels in the nose. Naturally! This is what I allowed in an attempt to get ready one day! (Notice the McD's diet coke in the background~my vice in life!) Somehow scrubbing crayon off the mirror, counters and cabinets seemed worth it in order to get a shower and brush my gal darn teeth! Climbing on the counter to eat the cheese off Mommy's casserole  (um...McD's diet coke again, I may need to look into detoxing ) Somehow we managed to keep all our teeth and leave with no broken bones. Whew ! By days end, life with three BOYS has done me in!

Well,  in the midst of one vomiting child, two hacking up a lung and zero sleep for Mama I did manage to get Paxton to his cardiologist appointment today.  As I mentioned in my post the other night, I have had a feeling that his next surgery is just around the corner and as intuition would have it, I was right.  For starters Paxton is a whopping FIFTEEN pounds! That truly is amazing for his age and anatomy. I almost fell over, I really thought he was hovering around the 13 pound mark, but I guess those koshies really are paying off!  He had an ekg and an echo done and all appeared well. His blood pressure is a little high, but we can't alter his medication any because it affects his potassium.  As soon as the doctor came in my stomach dropped, I just knew what was coming next.  He looked at me and said it's time to start thinking about the next surgery.  They like to do the Glenn procedure between 15 and 18 pounds. Since he is 15 pounds now, by the time the actual surgery is s...

I started this post earlier today with an entirely different title and theme in mind.  As life would have it,  that has been postponed and I am going to once again be raw and real.  I have been reveling in how amazingly well Paxton has been doing and keeping my focus on that as best I can.  So, today when we were outside in the driveway for a little play time and I noticed his lips turning blue, I jumped up to assess him.  I ripped his socks off to see completely blue/purple feet.  I ran him inside to get a better assessment of him.  While he was pale, blue around the mouth with a low heart rate (for him) his oxygen saturation was normal (for him) I took a deep breath and tried to refocus. I got the boys in and ready for dinner, we settled in and got ready for bed.  I hadn't realized quite how deeply the event struck me until I went to rock him to bed.  I just started sobbing. I held him to my face and smelled him, sang to him and loved him. We must have sat there for over an hour....

AMAZING UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM (bring tissues): So yesterday, I made a new friend, when I least expected it.  I was merely sitting on the couch feeding my man and thumbing (literally) through emails on my i phone when I noticed one from a sender I had never seen before.  So I opened it and what lay in front of me brought me to tears.  It was from a DAD blog reader that had the courage to reach out to me in his time of need.  You see, he and his wife are pregnant and have a heart baby as well. Their struggle has been long and arduous thus far only to learn that they have an even longer road ahead. His email spoke volumes for the place he and his wife are at right now, I have been.  The places they are headed, I have been. The feelings they are having, I have felt. When we see the two pink lines show up telling us we are pregnant, we never imagine that it could happen the way that it has happened to me, to my new friend and to the millions of others in the midst of a health struggle now.  ...

Dear friends, I cannot even begin to explain my exhaustion at the moment. As you may or may not know, running has been a hobby of mine as long as I can remember. As my Dad would say, still not sure how we find pounding the pavement FUN, but we've decided it's because it feels SOOO good to stop! I was on hiatus for quite some time because  every time I turned around the last 3 years I was pregnant. Such a blessing and while I miss my big round belly, it is time to get my body back! SO, now that I am NOT with child and after running the half marathon with my sister I have been running every morning at 5 am with my Dad and his cross country team.  So, not only do I have to get up with Paxton in the middle of the night, I am also up at 4 am to feed him quickly so he doesn't wake while I am gone, get ready and bolt out the door to be at practice by 5 am.  E.X.H.A.U.S.T.E.D but so worth it.  It's next to impossible to get a work out done in the evenings around here with a hus...