Tuesday, January 5, 2010

20,000th hit with life reminders!

Update: Contest closed! Melissa @ Mom of Four Monkeys was our 20,000th hit with picture proof! Congrats Melissa! Your flip is en route! For those who didn't know, as several have asked, there is a visitor counter on the lower right hand side of my bar.  Who knows what we might give away at 30,000 so keep stopping by = )

I just happened to scan my blog and see that we are almost at 20,000 hits!!!! Who knew when I started this blog that I would even have a single, solitary person read it (besides my sister and biggest fan of course). My intention was to make it a journal for my children and it has become so much more. Our first year has been made into a book for us and I cherish it more than you know.  Paxtons journey has made me even more grateful that I have chosen to blog.  When I look back and see his journey I am reminded of all the mountains he has and continues to climb!  As I continue this blog for our family, for Paxton as he hovers near his next open heart surgery, for me and for anyone who may find inspiration here I decided to nominate our 20,000th hit a winner!!!! Take a picture if you are the 20,000th hit and you'll win a flip
I must have picture proof as this prize was not given to me nor funded.  I chose this as the prize because I am obsessed with pictures, but this year I decided that I very much needed to start taking more video of my kids. I want to be able to hear those chipmunk voices when I am old and gray.   I am pretty positive most of my readers are mothers, grandmothers or are someone very much in love with family.  My dad got me the flip for Christmas and I use it non stop so I have decided to pass the fun along! Memories are priceless and whomever gets the 20,000th hit with photo proof can capture theirs too!
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I am pretty positive that I can sound ever so redundant at times when I write, but life sends me little reminders of where we have been and where we have yet to go.  For example, as I am scrolling through the contacts of my phone I pass CVICU and stop. Cardiovascular Intensive Care Unit. I remember the day that I added that contact to my phone just hours after Paxton was born.  I remember how many hundreds of times I called that contact to check on my boy. Every morning before I even stepped foot out of bed, (yes the phone was always right beside me armed and ready for the phone call that would stop my heart in the middle of the night) and every evening at around 10ish and 2 am when I would get up to pump.  If ever that contact came up on my phone as a call to me, my heart would freeze and panic would paralyze my body. I remember the first time one of the nurses called to tell me that Paxton was doing amazing. My husband had answered the phone and I could hear him from the other room, because I have super sonic Mommy hearing.  I heard him say "Yes, Sam." Of course, I knew that was Paxton's nurse for that shift because I always knew who his nurse was at any given time. With that I tore around the corner like a bat out of you know what, ripping the phone from my husbands innocent hands only it was to hear a good update. To which I breathlessly thanked her. From then on we were friends.  She was simply calling to tell me how awesome Paxton was doing. She knew I was home with my family for the weekend. She knew I was probably torn and worried and wanted me to know he was ok.  I hadn't ever received a good phone call. Typically the rule of thumb at All Children's is no news is good news.  I learned that day that it's the little things, when you cling to so little, for that simple phone call allowed me to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Just yesterday a friend of mine called wanting to know how to go back to the beginning of Paxton's story so she could tell a friend. Of course, that in turn led me back to the beginning of his story.  To which I would up reading this
Oh' those feelings.  All of those feelings. The uncertainty, the fear, the loneliness, the sadness and the hope. I just don't know if they will ever go away.  Just reading a post or seeing a contact on my phone can bring it all back in an instant and I know I only have roughly 3 months left before I am in the midst of it again.  As much as I dislike those feelings, I realize they are a gift. They really, really are.  I just don't take things for granted.  Do I have frustrating days when both toddlers are tantruming at the top of their lungs, absolutely! Do I recover faster than anyone you know, absolutely and that's because I have been given this gift.  I realize that the tantruming will pass and I remember what I would have given 3 months ago to be at home in the midst of one.  Forever and ever, I know how fragile life is. Forever and ever,  I know it could be taken away in an instant.  I like my little reminders.  I hope they continue to creep up in the most unexpected places on the most unexpected of days! 

My goals for 2010 are this:

To know that there is only a limited amount that I can do when it comes to Paxton and his health. His ultimate story is not up to me.  I have to remind myself of that when the control freak in me tries to take over.  

To get back to my pre baby weight. I know I know, isn't that what everyone says...lose weight. I just want to find time in the day to exercise for half an hour to get more toned. I know I am not overweight, I just want to tighten up a bit if you will = ) I mean really, one doesn't bounce back the way one once did after three pregnancies!

I want to make more time for my husband. I have a hard time at the end of the day when I am exhausted to stop and smell the roses with him.  I often find myself going back to one Sunday night in St. Pete when I dropped him off at the parking garage after spending the day in the hospital with Pax.  He got out to make the trip home while I stayed and my eyes were brimming with tears knowing we were moments from being separated again. I watched him walk away, smiling that happy smile and I sobbed right there in my rented car that I would never forget that moment.  He was strength, happiness and courage all in one as he walked away from his wife and newborn son to drive home by himself to take care of the rest of our family! He's my rock for better or for worse and I only hope I can be that to him.




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3 comments:

The mom of 4 monkeys! said...

Yay! I never win anything but I have picture proof!!! So now I just have to figure out how in the world to get the picture to you. My email address is msrakiey@yahoo.com so if you email me I can email you the picture.
That Flip looks so cool! I am OCD about taking pictures but would love to take some more video!
Thanks!!!

Lorena M said...

How do we check who's 20,000? I didn't know how, but I am glad to hear Paxton doing well. I check your blog daily and sometimes no news on your blog is good news, it just means you are busy being super mom! From CA, Lorena Mora

The mom of 4 monkeys! said...

Yay!!! I got my Flip in the mail today and was so excited! I just love it!!! I can't believe how fast it came!

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