Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Time With My Boys

I realized this evening that loss never leaves those who have had to let go to soon. One of my biggest struggles when Tadem passed was my need for wanting people to remember him. I have since come to grips with the fact that I may be the only one to remember him the way I want him to be remembered and that is ok. I know my baby boy is in heaven and I know I will see him again one day and he will feel the love I have for him. As time goes on, the pain diminishes and love remains in its place. People move on as well and the shock of the loss eases, yet the many dates and anniversaries never leave the one who's loss it was. I pray tonight that a dear friend finds peace on a day that should have been her sons 24th birthday. I cannot even begin to imagine the depths she has been to and yet she always comes out on top. I know her son is in heaven so proud of her strength. I, myself, admire that in her. She was there for me when I didn't know up from down. She has been there, is still there and will always be there. She knows the struggle and yet never loses faith. Missy, you are a pillar of strength. May you find peace knowing your boy is in heaven running among the stars.
Tonight, I held my boys a little tighter (if that's possible). I prayed a little harder and am reminded that this life here on Earth is not eternal. That every moment is precious. Even in the midst of tantrum throwing, meltdown, chaos I know that ultimately I am blessed to be in that moment. I am blessed that my boys are here with me, safe and healthy. I can truly say that I cherish all of the moments with my boys. Each and every God given second!
We had a wonderful day at the zoo today with our friends Eileen and Jack. I was happy that we got out and had so much fun that we came home wilted and exhausted. That's when you know it was a day well spent. Austin loves the "aminals" and told me when I laid him down for a nap that "he had fun with Jack" I love that he can talk to me now and tell me how he feels.

We came home and napped the late afternoon away! It was pure ecstasy!
This evening Daddy put together their "first" scooters. I know with my husband being the crazy man that he is that these scooters are only the beginning! The boys thought they were awfully cool so I had to share. Once they get the hang of it, I know they will be blowing through the house like mad men. For now I am relishing the fact that they are just practicing!

And ignoring the fact that for the money I spent on two scooters, the boxes held their entertainment far longer!

Lastly, I FINALLY got my 21 week belly shot! I feel much bigger than I am. Everyone says I have "popped." What do you think?

We have an appointment on Friday, wish us luck and I will be sure to update you.
Good night for now and be sure to hold your loved ones extra close. Even in the midst of madness, remember that life offers us no guarantees, so find its beauty every day!

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kay said...

Tadem feels your love for him each and everyday. He knows his Mama misses him, he feels your adoration, and he loves you too!

Thinking of you and missing Tadem with you.

Anonymous said...

AWWW. You are so right...hold on while you can. Jennie, I'm always here for you and because of your dad I was able to find a way a positive outlet. Running is their passion and in the rain is their perfect run. I was driving aimlessly when the downpour came. I reached into my backseat, shredded the sleeves off a shirt, changed in the car and jumped out. No destination, none of the usual courses, just running along 3Oaks, to the Estero Park where the rains slowed, the sun peeked out and the Father and my son smiled down upon me. At precisely the '24th' hour who should appear but a member of the Rojas family. Little Karen on her bike, her mom with the message that Aaron and Arturo were also running to the park. I truly believe they were angels on earth sent to me from the boys in Heaven to remind me that I'm not alone and neither is he. I love you and thank you for being strong for me. MM

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