So I Lied...

So I have this really kick ass post about my weekend last weekend that I have had ready to put up all week. Except my computer wouldn't upload the pictures and naturally as I began working on that my body decided to fail me and come down with a migraine to beat all migraines.  I woke up at 4 am on Thursday in more pain than I can remember. The nausea was overwhelming and my typical migraine medicine that typically works was not doing the trick. So after taking what I am sure was not the "recommended" dose of that we had our boys packed up and taken to school while I rolled around on the bed like a cow in labor.  Oh' it was not pretty my friends.  I can't even imagine what I must have looked like, but when you feel like a vice is wrapped around your head you pretty much just don't care.  I was begging to go to the hospital and so we went.  After what seemed like an eternity (when in actuality it was quite fast for an ER), I was hooked up to iv fluids and given the pain/nausea relief I so very much needed. Within seconds I could feel them coursing my body, the nausea lifted and the pain became very foggy.  Sweet intravenous drugs, how I adore you when I most need you.  Granted there's only been three times aside from childbirth that I have had to use them, so don't think I am an addict or anything because that I am not.  But, when you feel how I felt yesterday you give more thanks than humanly possible that those drugs are available.  So I came home and slept the rest of the day.

Today, I am back in business. Lord have mercy does it feel good to feel good again. I am playing catch up today, but just wanted to drop a line in and once again say in good ole' Jenn fashion to keep checking back because a really awesome post has been waiting.  My life, as always, is CA-RAZY and I have established nothing will ever be done when I say that it will.  It's just the way things are now and I allow myself to be ok with that.  I have learned how to not sweat the small stuff because I know it will still be waiting there for me tomorrow.
Oh' life you keep trying and I keep winning. I'm good like that.
Gonna sign off for now and try to get those pics up and running and maybe cuddle a little more with this not so little man who is just about as in love with me as my boys are.

( Farley is our outdoor cat, cept he knows when I come rolling in that I never say no to anyone and waddles right on in like he owns the place, straight to my side of the bed. )

I wanted to post this poem that I read on another heart blog. I think it touches on a question all of us moms with special needs babies ask...

The Chosen Mothers by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothers of children with life threatening illnesses are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger. "Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint Gerard."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, "Give her a child with cancer." The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy." "Exactly" smiles God, "Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But, does she have patience?" asks the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it." "I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she believes in you." No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps -"Selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted. She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice...and allow her to rise above them." She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side." "And what about her patron Saint?" asks the angel. His pen poised in mid-air. God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

Oh some days I feel all of things and others I wonder what happened to the woman/mother I used to be.  As I wrote above, I allow myself the change and see that the reason for it far surpasses the person I used to be anyway.
Heart Hugs To All Of My Co Heart Mamas Out There. So many of them are knee deep fighting the fight and I think of you all daily.


I'll be back. Y'all keep the light on for me ; )

Love

~J