mad stream of consiousness....

i looked at the date on my last post only to realize it's been long over a week.  some days i don't know where the time goes. it makes me a little sad because it is important to me that i continue to keep up with this blog. not only for my readers, but most importantly for myself. it is the one gift that i want to keep for my boys.  so i talked with my husband and he promised to give me an hour each night to dedicate to blogging and writing. i have some big dreams forming for the future and in order to achieve those i am going to need to carve out that time and make it a priority.  so dear friends, dear readers keep checking in with us because thoughts, posts and pictures are coming.  i just returned from a trip to tampa with austin, our oldest, where he is receiving laser therapy treatment for the vitiligo on his face.  we are hoping this helps to improve the pigmentation in the areas that have gone white, therefore hopefully decreasing the chances of him being picked on in the future.  quite frankly he is perfect and gorgeous to me either way, but kids can be mean and cruel so we are trying to keep ahead of the game.  pax continues to maintain for the most part here at home. there have been two times that he has had to go on oxygen for the day and then he rallies.  i attribute it to dehydration. some days he drinks like a camel and others he just isn't interested, but without a feeding tube I can't supplement when he won't drink.  so far we have been able to work through it and continue on our quest to stay the hell out of the hospital!  way to rock it pax, who by the way is very nearly walking!  ohhh i am so excited for him.
mason is oh so precious.  our little outgoing, social butterfly who has the speech of a 40 year old man.  it's jaw dropping how smart he is. he's three years old and we are walking down an aisle of the grocery store and he yells out "look daddy, gauze!"  we look at each other thinking...gauze.... i barely know what gauze is let alone a three year old and you can most certainly bet we didn't teach him that.  he continues to walk around wishing everyone "happy howydays and happy new yearrrr" ohh' i adore him and how snuggly he has become.  when he hugs me he says " mommy, big squeeze!"  or will randomly say "mommy you are my best friend, arentchoo?"  oh' my stars who's heart wouldn't melt hearing those words.  i continue to work on gaining some weight after the stress of pax being in the hospital. that put me behind the eight ball in a big way, but i am getting there.  i still work out 5 days a week and thrive off the stress relief it provides.  i figure there are far worse vices in life. this sunday i have a big race coming up.  a half marathon. 13.1 miles to be exact.  i am sooo excited.  last year at this time i was 3 months post partum running the same race. today i am in the best shape of my life (thank you cross fit) and am wickedly curious to see what my time will be.  oh last year at this time...amazing what 365 days will bring.  i have come SOO far. quite frankly i am a completely different person today.  and so,  life continues on round these parts ; ) wanted to jump in and update all of my peeps. i have some of the most amazing, devoted readers and i thank each and every one of you that leaves a comment or reaches out.  i didn't intend for that to happen when i started this blog, but seeing that it has reached others makes me happy.  seeing that paxtons story has touched others brings me such joy.
one wrote: if all the lights in the world went out, your smiles would light the way...
bestill me. thank you blogosphere friend.  thank you all. thank you those who pray for my son. i promise to update more.


in the mean time, check it....

sweet jesus it just doesn't get any better.

love
~j