The Wild Wild Wests

Checking in to check out. It's my birthday weekend~ the big 3 to the 2. Wow! Time flies eh'. 32 years and many lifetimes of wisdom.... Cheers friends! I'm going to party like it's my birthday.. Ok not really I'll probably catch up on Greys Anatomy I just happem to like that song. Old school right there :)0 I'll check in with y'all on the flip side, Have a fab weekend~ we sure plan to. Hugs~ j

Dearest Austi Bear~ I look at you and melt.  Your sweet, angelic face had me from hello. Your coy smile wins me over every time.  I absolutely adore the little gap in your bottom teeth and your dimple, oh those "dimpies"  are the cherry to my sundae.  I canNOT believe you are 5 !  I remember the day you were born like it happened minutes ago.  You have been amazing from the moment we met you and for all the struggles you have had to conquer you rally through like the "super hero" you really are.  You fought physical therapy tooth and nail and today we couldn't hold you back if we tried. You have opened yourself up little by little and in a mere 3 months we have seen enormous strides in your personality.  You are obsessed with me today just as deeply as you were the day you were born.  You are my golden boy and Daddy says its time to "cut the cord". I say that cord can stay as long as you like.  I love when you climb into my bed...

Dear Mason~ You are my full speed ahead boy.  You came into this world in a just a mere few hours and haven't stopped since.  My little chia pet full of spikey black hair, squishy, pissed off face. I will never forget when they announced you were a boy. We waited 9 months to find out.  Exhilarating.   You are so much person rolled into that four year old little body of yours.  Apparently you look just like me, but act like your Daddy. Mr Congeniality, sensitive yet social as can be. Everyone is your friend and if they aren't they will be within minutes of meeting you once you introduce yourself.  We are working on the stranger danger. You are fearless ( unless there is thunder involved) and wild. You adore Austin more than anything, are a Mamas boy, non stop chatty Kathy, Doogie Howser smart yet will stop and smell the roses for cuddle time with Mom.  You're not such a big fan of Paxton, but I attribute that to middle child syndrome.  You love ...

Here is where I tell you that I have been up to my eyeballs in life.  In getting back to the basics and where I apologize for not at least letting you know sooner that we are home and Paxton is well.  First and foremost to me is being a Mommy and once I stepped foot back on 239 territory everything else fell to the wayside.  I missed the boys first day of their new school so I  had to have a redo of that day.  I had a stack of bills worth hundreds of thousands to sort through ( naturally most of them were medical)  I had to go though all of the boys paperwork and help Paxton with pain management and eating.  All this after zero to no sleep for seven days. I tell ya folks I just dont know how I partied studied like a rock star in college. Thinking back to those days now I am quite impressed with myself. Ahem...on to more important things like brotherly reunions, birthday parties and being surrounded by the ones who love us most, when needed most. ...

No sooner do I write in my last post that something is up with Paxton that I now write to you from the CVICU. Story of our lives. I am heartbroken and sad tonight. Is it so much to ask that this kid catches a break... Is it so hard to allow me to be home to take my kids to their first day at their new school tomorrow.... Speaking of hearts mine feels so damn torn all the time. I feel so much guilt for Pax taking precedence over everything else. He just does. He is fragile and the west world stops when he gets sick and two little boys are left in the wake. It pisses me off and makes me cry all at the same damn time. I need sleep but we all know I don't sleep without medicinal help because my mind never, ever shuts down and I can't take anything here so I just lay here and silently cry. My head is pounding. I want my bed. I want 3 little boys snuggled up beside me in it. This damn heaviness needs to go away. It such a heavy burden to bear. What to do. Surgery or not. Risk it or n...

So many things on my mind, so little time.  We have big changes taking place around here.  All for the better.  Mommy has been hard at work trying to get some things figured out and next week they will take place. Today unbeknownst to me, Paxton became a star.  Not that he already wasn't, but now it's in print.  Oh' yah, his magazine debut hit the shelves today!  Proud beyond measure. I didn't think this cup could runneth over any more than it already does, but I suppose there is always a little more room.  If this helps one family, then Pax has done what he was put here to do.   Oh' how I look at that and can't believe he is sick.  He looks amazing and gorgeous and perfectly well...healthy. Speaking of Pax, we had a little emergency room trip on Sunday.  We have given new meaning to the name wild, wild wests! Boys are obsessed with their ride on tractors and we go on them just about every. single. day. as I wrote in my last post...