Paparazzi...

I sorta feel like Kim Kardashian lately. It's been so many photo ops and so little time.  I kid, I kid.  Paxtons photo shoot that I mentioned in my last post went on without a hitch. Boyfriend posed like it was his job and the photographer ate. him. up.  It has been sent to print, yes print, and will be available in a week. I will be sure to link up to it.  I was glowing with pride as Pax smiled and giggled.  I sat on the beach at sunset watching my boy, my hero. He looks whole and healthy and it was a little hard to wrap my brain around his journey.  I got quiet, introspective.  I needed a good cry I suppose.  Not sure why that evening struck me the way that it did, but if I have learned anything it's that the oddest moments are when you falter and the ones you are sure you just can't handle, you just do.  I rocked him that night as I have every other night, but this time I was drawn back to the days that I sat in the rocking chair, him in my belly, wondering if he would live.  It is amazing how far we have come. I suppose I will always be in awe of that.  If you told someone this journey was going to happen to them. If you laid it out on paper, they would shake their head saying no over and over thinking there is no way they could do it.  While I hate HLHS defines our lives now, I am also grateful for it. It has changed us. In some bad ways, but mostly good.  It is always a topic of discussion.  His health is always forefront.  How is he doing, when is his next surgery are always the first questions posed to me, and that's ok.  HLHS may define us now, but if that means we have Paxton here then define us it shall!!

(about this pic....what you didn't see was me using paxtons wind up truck to try and get his attention and setting it in the photographers ahem...hair and watching it get completely wrapped around as the wheels spun out of control...erh, oops!  only me ; )

Today we had another family photo shoot. We are way overdue for family photos and the boys are at just that age to make it fun.  They did amazing. I only have like 3 I Phone shots, nothing like the amazing ones Terrilyn takes.  In fact, she captures the most amazing pictures and I pretty much have to take out a second mortgage to pay for because I want ALL of them! She has been taking our photos since Austin was 6 days old.  That's 5 years now.  Our house is full of her photography and she has been with us through 2 healthy births, a miscarriage, and Paxtons journey  She even generously offered to come take photos of him in St. Pete right after he was born, to have should something happen to him.  I looked at her this morning and wondered what she was thinking seeing 5 years worth of babies now children standing before her.  The two of us combined can probably agree that it has been one hell of a couple years for each of us, but we also agreed today walking down the boardwalk together that the hell only reminds of the beauty and gloriousness of the present. xoxo terrilyn, cannot wait to see your magic again.

(again note how big my boys are.  they are almost to my shoulders. they will tower over my 5' 2" self in no time)

Pure awesomeness right there eh!

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Aside from all the fame, the boys have begun school again and l.o.v.e. it! It is hard to believe I will have a kindergardener next year {sniff...sniff}
I just don't think they come any more gorgeous than this:

They love each other with a depth I am not sure I will ever understand.  It melts me.

And while they are in school, Paxton and I hang out and go to story time where I am the only Mom in Abercrombie and Fitch clothes instead of J. Crew or Ann Taylor.  I get self consious.  I wear jean shorts, not knickers. I wear skinny jeans instead of sundresses. It's me and I just can't pimp the "Mommy clothes" yet. Don't get me wrong, J. Crew resides in my closet (zero Ann Taylor : ) but it certainly had me thinking that morning....should I change how I dress... And I decided no, that's not me and me is fine just the way she is. Plus, Pax thinks I am pretty bad ass just the way I am and isn't that all that matters...

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And after school we go chillin on a dirt road, laid back swervin like we're George Jones... ok not really, but we do ride tractors on our suburb of a road ; )

In any case my boys love it and holy hell if they don't take after their Daddy! They'll be taking over the company in no time!

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Also, you should know we have the next Michael Phelps on our hands...

And while I am certainly no swimmer, I do still love me some running.  Up and at em with Dads team at 5 am.  Which means that alarm rings all to early at 4:15, but it's so worth it to have it over with while it's still cool enough to actually breathe and it never hurts to have the best Coach in Lee county also be your Dad, just sayin....

First person I always get to after running... oh he lights me up.  That smile, it's all him.

And a good run always leads to a good night out with my peeps...

But wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I always come home to them....

And there is truly nothing more amazing in the world.  Beyond measure I am blessed. Beyond measure I am grateful.  Life gives me challenges far beyond what I think my capablilites are, but I do not give up, give in or lose hope.  I have 1, 2, 3 beautiful little souls that remind me every single day that the fight is always worth fighting and it is in the most insignificant moments that life resides.  The riding tractor, throwing balls in the house, snuggled in bed watching Bubble Guppies, dumping all the soap out in the bath to make copious amounts of bubbles moments.

Lastly for today, we have not one, not two, not three, but FOUR birthdays in our near future. Oh' yah September and October are big months around here and ya'll know we do birthdays in a big way.  Austin turns....FIVE! Mason, four. Paxton TWO and last but not least I will turn ahem....thirty freaking two.  When did this happen? Slow down life! Get ready to put your party pants on folks because we are battening down the hatches, prepping and planning. Can't wait to share.
Until then, I will be back to share the moments that aren't so planned,
*The little moments that make up the BIG picture.*

Love and Hugs,
J

ps~ tonight I am going um' four wheeling in the Everglades with good friends. This girl isn't afraid to get down and dirty. I mean I have never done it before, but I just have a feeling it's going to be to much fun. Wife beater and skinny jeans girl will fit right in!  Booya!