Sunday, June 20, 2010

Daddys Day

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a Mama. It was my mission in life, my purpose, and I spent my days trying to find the man that would be the right person to make that happen.  I got luckier than I could have ever dreamed.

I remember when I told him I was pregnant for the first time.  I gave him a gift wrapped bib that said,  I've got the best Daddy. We hugged, cried and danced circles in the kitchen.  Round and round full of surprise and excitement.

He was so proud of me while I was pregnant. He would rub my belly and talk to the baby.  It made me fall in love with him all over again.  When the big day finally came, seeing him sob like he did at the sight of his son made me realize that he wanted a family just as much as I always had.

Masons birth was no different! His heart opened that much more to let the love in for his second son!

Then we lost our third baby and while that was what we thought was our biggest hurdle thus far, we realize now how much it prepared us for the sheer shock that our fourth baby was critically ill. 
 I was scared. He shut down out of fear. Didn't want to talk about him or say his name. I worried he wouldn't bond with him. I worried what would happen to us if we lost him.
This picture, my face, it said it all. It was saying look honey. He's ok. He's gorgeous and for however long we have him, he's perfect.  The love in my face for the sick son in my arms (note all the doctors waiting to take him in the background) and for my husband is palpable in this picture.

To say the least, the moment he saw him changed all of that.  Paxton pushed him to limits of fatherhood and he rocked it!  He stayed home with our two boys alone for 2 1/2 months while I stayed with our sick boy. He took on the weight of the world and smiled the whole time.

I watched him hold the most fragile of babies. I watched him sob. There were days I held him up and days he me.  It was by far the biggest test of our marriage and we passed with flying colors.  We are closer, stronger and wiser for it all.
As the years pass we have both grown in our parenting and we have our 3 beautiful boys to show for it!

Thank you Dave for working day in and day out to provide us the best possible life.  Thank you for supporting me in my Mommy wishes. For loving our boys on their worst days.  For being the proudest Papa I have ever known.  
You are amazing and while this journey is far from over, know that I am right beside you the whole way. Know that the boys love you in a way only boys can love their Daddys. Know that I am so proud of how far you have come.
Happy Fathers Day Times Three!!!!


And of course to my own Daddy.  The man who stuck around as a 21 year old to raise a little baby girl alone.  You are my hero.  Thank you for not leaving me. For standing by me and for always believing in me.  Thank you for always, always teaching me what is important in life. I realize now that all this time you were preparing me for the hardest year of my life and I like to think I made you proud! I damn sure "hit the curve balls!" 
 I would not be the woman or mother that I am today without having you beside me all the way!
Happy Fathers Day Dad!

The boys think "Pa Paw" is pretty amazing too!

Until next year
~ J


Christina said...

Thank you for sharing your family with us! Your beautiful words and pictures speak volumes about the love that can be found in our family. I think my favorite part is the expression on your father's face in the picture of him with your little boys. It's clear that you got your great capacity to love from him. :)

God Bless!
(I'm praying for your son, too!)

~Jamie Kubeczka~ said...

So sweet!

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