Tuesday, July 31, 2012


So truth be told most of this post was written well over a week and a half ago, but as per usual, life got in the way.  And here we are, a trip to Louisiana and another lake vaca behind us. It has truly been a whirlwind the past two months. I am not sure of up from down right now and the frequent emotional tears seem to consummate that.  I think I am ready for life to slow downnnn....

And speaking of slowing down, about a week and a half ago, I took the boys to Barnes and Noble and as  I stepped off of the escalator I saw a woman looking at me.  We met eyes for a moment and she quickly said "I read your blog, I recognized you from it."  I felt like a wannabe celebrity, but most of all I was proud to show her Paxton tearing through the store the healthiest he has ever been. Which reminded me what I wrote above..... that  I really need to put the breaks on more often so I can update this blog that has been such a source of comfort for me. I think at this point I only have about two readers, but that's not what matters.  It's a therapeutic process for me to write and I have missed it whilst knee deep in the chaos of life.  All three boys have roughly 3 more weeks until they go back to school, Paxton included... Heaven help me...
Once that happens, I am truly hoping that I will be able to devote a small amount of time to myself in those morning hours while they are there.  To write or work out maybe...ok alright let's be real... to try to keep up with the freaking laundry and maybe get a bill or two paid. Eh' a girl can dream. Would be nice to write a post or two a week when the gumption strikes.  Life with three wilddddd boys leaves room for lots of comedic writings.  So stay tuned... maybe I'll get my sh*% together and surprise you all... all two of you ; D

In West news:

Austin had his surgery. Tonsils and adenoids removed and turbinates worked on.  Can I just tell you how incredibly awful the entire week was.  My sweet, precious golden boy was in so, so much pain. We had to switch pain meds, force him to drink, give suppositories to stop him from vomiting.  He would cry out for me to help him or moan oh' god and my heart would shatter.  He is however, back in business as I write this. He is the sweetest, kindest boy ever and he handled it like a freaking trooper considering all he had to endure. Nothing makes me happier than to see him healthy and playing now. He has lost a another tooth, going on number 3 now!  He is so ready for kindergarten even though the mere thought of that too, brings me to tears!

The same week that Austin had surgery, we moved.  Holy hell.  BUT, we did it. It's over and we are in heaven.  We moved from a subdivision to 2.5 acres and let me tell you how much we love it.  My boys are in heaven.  They have free reign of the yard. Ride their tractors all over and swim from sun up to sun down.  We loved our previous home. Like love, LOVED it, but the boys were very confined on the streets of suburbia and I spent the entire time we were outside screaming "CAR! watch out boys, on the sidewalk!"  And with 3, that got old fast, so as history has proven, with our lives revolving around the boys, we chose to make the move to property to allow them so much more freedom, and we haven't looked back!

Pax is doing well.  He is balls to the wall all day every day.  School in the fall will be good for him.  He doesn't sleep. Ever.  Only for hours at a time. We are still up with him every couple of hours every. single. night with no end in sight. It's draining, but I have come to realize it is all he has ever known. From the very first day he was born, he was woken up every couple of hours for meds, or blood draws, xrays etc. etc. etc.  I believe he truly doesn't know how to sleep for anything longer than 3-4 consecutive hours.   But as we near his third birthday in a couple of months, I am continually astounded at how far he has come in that time.  He is truly a miracle boy. I will always be acutely aware that this journey could have taken a far different turn. When he cries and his lips turn blue, I am reminded. When he gets to hot and it is obvious his little body is working hard, I am reminded. When I see him swimming without his shirt on, I am reminded.  When I hand him a syringe of his medicine and he gives it to himself, I am reminded. When someone comes up to me that reads my blog and my eyes immediately travel to him, I am reminded.  He took my little bubble of a life, popped that shit and showed me what it's really all about. What matters, what doesn't. Who matters, who doesn't. I am so much more than I ever fathomed I could be prior to him.  It's bittersweet how such an intense, fear stricken struggle can actually be the greatest gift ever received. This journey was such a blessing for all its rock bottom, struggling to breathe, knee dropping, fervently praying, life changing hits, I can stand here today and say I would never, ever change a thing about it. Do I wish he had a whole heart, of course.  But Paxton would not be who he is today, with a full heart and I would not be the person I am today, without his half a heart.  Two souls forever connected on the longest yellow brick road ever, but peeps~ we made it to the Emerald City.

Life is good!  I hope it is for all of you too!

Love and hugs~


cici said...

So good to hear Pax is doing so well.
I still say my Prayers for him.
The boys just keep getting more handsome.
Enjoy the last days of Summer.

zaneymama said...

Wow, so beautifully said! I have been stalking the blog and quite sad when there are no posts:) But the 'balls to the wall' comment filled the void I had from the previous lack of posts;) So glad Pax is doing well! We have been soaking up our summer with Zoey also. She is doing awesome. Also getting prepared to send her to preschool this fall...

Our Blooming Family said...

Hey Jenn,
I still read your blog.;) great post! Glad everyone is Doing so well and enjoying the little things. :) sounds like you have a beautiful new home perfect for your loves.

My Peeps