The Wild Wild Wests

I have come to realize that we all roam this home we call Earth searching for our place.  Our meant to be, soft spot, comfy place to fall.  That place where you can just be you and let it all hang out.  That place where no matter how bad the day, you can submerge yourself in it's glory and you'll come out better, happier, more peaceful. My place has been there all of my life, I just didn't realized how incredibly much until I had a special needs baby.  Somehow, when you are thrust into another life all together for a certain amount of time, you realize when you come out of it just how important it is to crawl your way back to that soft spot.  Yah, I left my soft spot for quite some time to become a wife and Mommy.  I learned this weekend that I can have both. That I need both.  That the healing that comes from it is so worth the extra effort.  That time subdues it all, but when you really get down to it there is still heart ache so deep it throbs...

I get so frustrated sometimes because I want to write every day. It is SO healing for me, but I have three children and time seems to slip away from me. We have been busy round these parts.  Paxton had a cardiology check up on Monday and everything came back perfect (well, perfect for an HLHS baby)  I was so excited to hear that he was on the up and up.  Going there never ceases to remind me of where we have been and where we have yet to go.  I sort of always prepare myself for some sort of "issue" to come up, but so far that hasn't happened.  Pax likes to surprise with his, never when you think  it will happen, only when you are most unprepared does he up and cause commotion.  That's Pax though and I adore every single inch of him. He is so grown up now. We are on the verge of chucking the bottles and this breaks my heart. He is my last, and it only reminds me that there will be no more "babyness" around anymore.  I could SO be one of those moms...

It occured to me sometime over the weekend that I have now been running this same race for 15 years.  I may have skipped a few years in there while I was away at college gaining the freshman 15 but I always come back. Here I am, 31 years old and still pounding the same path I did so many years ago.  When my biggest worries were how I was going to get to see my boyfriend that night.  Oh' to be that free again. I ran this race last year 3 months post partum. Three months after the hardest two months of my life.  I was hellbent on running it for my boy. The boy I had just watched suffer through more than any person should ever have to in a lifetime and he did upon entering the world for two solid months. My heart was beaten and weary and I needed an outlet. I needed to feel like I was doing something for my boy other than sitting bedside to him unable to help.  So I put on my running shoes and my shirt and ran my heart out.   ( Man what a difference a ye...

So I have this really kick ass post about my weekend last weekend that I have had ready to put up all week. Except my computer wouldn't upload the pictures and naturally as I began working on that my body decided to fail me and come down with a migraine to beat all migraines.  I woke up at 4 am on Thursday in more pain than I can remember. The nausea was overwhelming and my typical migraine medicine that typically works was not doing the trick. So after taking what I am sure was not the "recommended" dose of that we had our boys packed up and taken to school while I rolled around on the bed like a cow in labor.  Oh' it was not pretty my friends.  I can't even imagine what I must have looked like, but when you feel like a vice is wrapped around your head you pretty much just don't care.  I was begging to go to the hospital and so we went.  After what seemed like an eternity (when in actuality it was quite fast for an ER), I was hooked up to iv fluids and given...

half marathon post ready to go to print  ;) ( i wish)  except the pics won't upload. i'll have it up tomorrow once i get whatever kink this is worked out. it's so special so check back in. love ~j

T-Minus 9 hours til my race tomorrow morning. I am so gal dang excited! Mainly because I will be surrounded by amazing friends, two little heros that we are running in honor of and lots of celebrating to be had when all is said and done. Please stay tuned for what I imagine to be really awesome, emotional pics coming your way soon. Just as I said last year 3 months post partum when I decided to run 13.1 miles.... "If my son can survive open heart surgery at 4 days old, then I can run a half marathon" And I did, and I will again tomorrow in his honor along side another near and dear to my heart person who's son is Paxtons heart brother. The pasta party here at our house tonight swelled my heart to see two amazing miracle babies babbling and screeching at each other in a language only warriors can understand. It's gonna be good people! So stay tuned. Love ~J

i looked at the date on my last post only to realize it's been long over a week.  some days i don't know where the time goes. it makes me a little sad because it is important to me that i continue to keep up with this blog. not only for my readers, but most importantly for myself. it is the one gift that i want to keep for my boys.  so i talked with my husband and he promised to give me an hour each night to dedicate to blogging and writing. i have some big dreams forming for the future and in order to achieve those i am going to need to carve out that time and make it a priority.  so dear friends, dear readers keep checking in with us because thoughts, posts and pictures are coming.  i just returned from a trip to tampa with austin, our oldest, where he is receiving laser therapy treatment for the vitiligo on his face.  we are hoping this helps to improve the pigmentation in the areas that have gone white, therefore hopefully decreasing the chances of him being...

When I look back over the past year I realize what a whirlwind it has been.  I think about just how much has happened in that time.  How much I have changed, how my family has changed and how much life has changed.  Some days it's all to much, but most I am full of gratitude for all that those 365 days have taught me. Christmas was amazing as I watched my babies glow in the excitement that Santa and presents and company all bring.  They were truly in heaven and giggled and belly laughed til they could no more. We made cookies and lots of "nom nom's"  to fill our tummies!  We decorated and sang carols all cheesy like. The boys made me pee myself singing.  Jingle bells came out "Shingle bells" and they never really got the lyrics to the end so they just mumbled along and it was too funny.   Suffice it to say they got a little jingle jangled with their lyrics, but it made for oh' so funny video footage.  They'll thank me later ; ) Austin...