I haven't written in so long it seems pointless now, but then I told myself perhaps that is one of the best things I could take up doing again. It has always been so cathartic for me.
If you are reading this, we are most likely friends on social media and you probably saw that yesterday was a bad, bad day. If not here you go:
I have always been an incredibly deep person. Even as a child the emotions were powerful with me. I feel deep. I overthink. I over analyze everything! I am a wicked people pleaser and so very, very sensitive. Being an ultra sensitive person can be exhausting. I've found it to have it's positives as I have grown and learned to handle my emotions a little better. A little, being the operative word there. But I also think being these things and never being able to shut your mind down can heighten everything.
Hence why I decided to write tonight. Yesterday I had a panic attack. I went back and forth after things had settled down about whether to post about it on social media. So many negative things are said about and on SM these days, but I also feel it can be a platform if we choose to make it that.
I just kept thinking how I didn't really know what was happening to me at the time. I knew I felt powerless. I couldn't breathe. I was shaking so uncontrollably. My heart was racing so fast I thought for sure I was going to die and I felt manic. Like I HAD to get to somewhere where someone could hopefully help me. Thankfully I had a friend there that took me right back and held me as I shook until the doctor and nurses came in. They gave me a sedative and instantly everything got even worse when they did that because it felt so weird to my body ( I guess this is common as the body begins to dump all the adrenaline), but my nurse was so amazing and kept reassuring me it would pass and even letting me know that she gets them too.
All of this to say that when I had finally calmed down which definitely took some time, I laid in that hospital bed and thought of how many others might experience these and how many don't know what to do. I didn't want to go in. I was so very embarrassed that I seemingly couldn't control my own body. I just kept apologizing over and over to everyone around me because I felt so ridiculous. But they helped me and as I wrote in the post.... more people should know there is help. So I decided to share my experience however vulnerable that made me.
And the real purpose for this post after being MIA for so long, is that what came after I shared that is continuing to blow my mind. SO many of you commented and SO many have reached out to me privately sharing their stories as well. That these attacks are a very real thing. VERY debilitating and very scary. I had no idea and it most certainly reminded me that we never know what someone else is going through.
I am overwhelmed by how many people have reached out to be vulnerable themselves with me. To share their tips. Their love. Offering to drop everything and help. To take the kids. The flowers. The nuggz (oh the chick fil a nuggz).
To be in such a helpless place to then hours later, be flooded with so much love and empathy was truly humbling. So thank you to each and every one of you. You all showed me that putting yourself out there can sometimes be the BEST medicine there is.
"You are stronger than anxiety. Even if the anxiety wins sometimes." That's good stuff.
Love and hugs~