Friday, March 1, 2013

salt....

no.... i am not talking about the salt on the rim of a big, ice cold margarita glass...although that sounds mighty fine right about now...

i am talking about sweat and tears.  you see i was at crossfit the other day trying to do this lift. trying to get it right...perfect.  then getting frustrated with myself for not getting under the bar enough or keeping my elbows tight enough.  at the end of that workout the coach said "good job today guys, remember olympic lifters spend years trying to perfect that move."  those words stayed with me, and not because i have any intention of becoming an olympic lifter or even anything other than just a mom trying to stay out of the mom jeans. its just that when he said those words the light came on in my brain and i realized that wherever we are in this life we are all "spending years trying to perfect it".  how about letting go of the idea of perfect and just living...dear god that is so much easier said than done.  i worked out again earlier this week and in my eyes i sucked. my baby boy is having night terrors and keeping me up all hours, but i went anyway to try and sweat myself out of the sleep fog i'm living in.  it hurt.  i finished dead last. i even cried at the end.  not because of the workout. not because of the pain i had to push through. i cried because sometimes crying is just what we need to let it all go... to cleanse ourselves and start again.  it's amazing how sweating, however you do it, and crying can cleanse the hell out of a person. i was reminded later in the evening that i did not suck. in fact it was just the opposite, i didn't quit and not quitting and giving up and throwing in the towel is far, far more amazing than finishing first.  even at 33 it's still a lesson i am trying to learn, but then again none of us ever stops learning if we remain open to the lessons.



and next week i will go back to the gym and pick up that damn bar and struggle with it and curse myself for not getting it right, but i will also go back knowing that holding the bar just so isn't the ultimate goal. the ultimate goal is not giving in when life gets to hard...


cheers to the freakin' weekend y'all!!

love and hugs
~j

1 comment:

Cari said...

I have been reading your blog, but haven't posted yet. I too have a Paxton heart kiddo (Shone's) :) I had to comment here because this is something I can definitely relate to these days. Getting back up and making myself keep going is sometimes soooo hard but so worth it. Cheers to you for keeping on keeping on!

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