The Wild Wild Wests

What is it about the holidays that makes one so sentimental.... My mind wanders about trying to piece it all together...this whole entire year and all of it's chapters.  They seem like only yesterday and yet a lifetime ago all at the same time.  As always, I begin to wonder what a year will bring.  I wonder where life will have lead us 365 days from now. I thought back to last year around this time.  How I was filled with terror every day having just brought our son home, the son who had just had open heart surgery, the son who was housebound from people and germs. The son who was still such a blue baby. Still so critical. Still on a heart monitor 24 hours a day. The son who still had a feeding tube coming out of his belly.  The son who had his formula fattened in order to gain weight. The son who was not allowed to cry for more than 5 minutes.  Oh' the fear that filled me to the brim.  The dread that I had getting in the car to go anywhere for fea...

A mother's perspective You passed me in the shopping mall...(You read my faded tee)You tapped me on the shoulder...Then asked..."What's a CHD?" I could quote terminology...There's stats that I could give...But I would rather share with you...A mother's perspective. What is it like to have a child with a CHD? It’s Lasix,aspirin,Captopril… It’s wondering…Lord what’s your will?… It’s monitors and oxygen tanks… It’s a constant reminder to always give thanks… It’s feeding tubes, calories, needed weight gain… It’s the drama of eating…and yes it’s insane! It’s the first time I held him…(I’d waited so long) It’s knowing that I need to help him grow strong… It’s making a hospital home for awhile… It’s seeing my reward in every smile. It’s checking his sats as the feeding pump’s beeping… It’s knowing that there is just no time for sleeping… It’s caths, x-rays and boo boos to kiss… It’s normalcy I sometimes miss… It’s asking do his nails look blue? It’s cringing inside...

Oh yes it is.  The boys totally "get" it and it is SO much fun! Oh' it is so great to be home, going to Christmas parties with my boo's and getting haircuts and making them breakfast.  I love it!  I appreciate it. I relish it because I never know when I will have to jump ship again. We decorated the tree.  A really, really big one. Like some 10 feet that the boys picked out and thankfully our ceilings are able to accommodate it. The front door. Not so much. After a few lost branches we made er' work though. We fought over ornaments, investigated and laughed big belly laughs... We snuggled and hung, snuggled and hung...   (Holy tired Mommy just home from a week in the hospital batman. Little did I know here I would be going back for another week the next day.) (oh you gorgeous thang you) When all was said and done we sat back and admired... (i phone pic) Erh... or borrowed Mommy's camera and took photography into our own hands (thank you Austi...

I know, I know, it's been far to long.  We all remain at home and doing well. I have been spending a whole heck of a lot of time trying to catch up on life.  There was/is a lot to be done especially with the holidays just around the corner. Gahhh! My list keeps getting longer and longer instead of shorter, but I push on.  Cause I am good like that ; ) As you can see, ole bloggie has gotten a much needed face lift and I love, LOVE, LOVE it! My girl over at Once Upon A Blog did the surgery and as always I gave her free reign and as always she was right on target for what I was looking for. Thank you Jennisa! So, in other news the tree is decorated and gorgeous I might add, mostly because it has all of our previous years christmas cards adorned from it as well as all the boys ones that they made me from school.  I love to unpack those boxes every year and see how big they have gotten!  It really is incredible. And I have some great pics to share only my...

We are home. Having been gone for two weeks, there has been a lot to catch up on.  I am finally able to sit down and write a quick post.  I am beyond grateful to be back to everyday life.  Those days in the hospital where time seems eternal make a person appreciate the every day little things all the more. I have a lot of shout out's to throw out there, like people that rise to the occassions and help my family and I, when at the drop of hat, we have to leave for the hospital.  I could list off names for five minutes, but you know who you are. My chauffers, nannies, errand runners, sleep catcher uppers, clothes bringing, eye roller, diet coke getting,  baby boy loving, spirit lifting peeps! Even my blog readers near and far that either leave comments or send me personal emails, thank you!  You'll never know how much hearing from you makes my day. And I am grateful for my baby boy who always keeps me grounded.  Who always reminds me that while this ...

I am sitting in the dark at RMH while Pax sleeps in the pack n play. It's been two weeks here at the hospital.  I won't lie, today I am dragging serious a*#.  I wonder how much the heart can take. How much tugging and pulling, waxing and waning, highs and lows, full up of loneliness can one take... I want the loneliness to end, but somehow when all you do is step outside to get a diet coke and return to the hospital life you feel alone, because outside, out there, are all kinds of people going about their lives. Perhaps preparing for Christmas or meeting a friend for lunch or falling in love. Then there's me, walking the same walk I have walked oh' so many friggin times back to the electric doors that open with my visitor pass key card to let me into a place I would gladly freaking give that key back to. Only this is normal... This is going about my life and it's lonely.  I want to be Christmas shopping or romping around in the backyard with my boys. I want to n...