The Wild Wild Wests

I haven't slept in light years.  I actually think you can see the sheer exhaustion in my eyes in the picture below.  There is so much that races through my mind twenty four hours a day that not even sleeping pills will help.  Yep, I have resorted to the big guns mainly to try and help prevent the migraines that seem to creep up on me nearly daily and had me in the hospital twice last month.  It is said that stress and lack of sleep amongst other things trigger them and both of those stressors are forefront in my life.  I went to a neurologist to discuss "options".  We decided that since I clearly can't get rid of the stress in my life that we would at least try to get this Mama some sleep, but to no avail  Nothing and I mean nothing is working.  In fact I am not sure what a good nights sleep feels like anymore.  Case in point below: Pax is on oxygen.  He suddenly has this inability to regulate his body temperature.  He is consistant...

Everyone has their outlet, their way of coping.  Mine happens to be running.  I cannot do that right now, haven't been able to for two weeks, had to skip out on a big race because my knee is in a bad way. To date I have had a cortisone shot and an MRI.  The truth is, I am pissed.  I am angry.  Running has saved me.  Healed me in so many ways.  Ways I didn't think I could be healed.  I am far from better after what I have seen this past year there is just no way to be ok just yet. In fact, I may never be ok.  My son is sick and that's the bottom line.  I carry this weight around with me every day.  So the only way to release some of that is to run.  I am done, for now anyway. Surgery more than likely looms in my future.  Chicago is still in question come October. I am angry. Because dammit I need it.  I need running like I need oxygen.  It's just the truth. When my world is crumbling around me, I throw on my shoes...

Why hello there!  Betcha you weren't expecting a post since its been... oh' I dunno~ forever !  I stopped writing for quite some time. I would try and I just didn't have it in me. Then the other day I received the most amazing email from a blog reader.  He inspired me to get back on the horse. That it matters. That someone is reading. So here I am friends! This Dad has been my buddy for awhile now.  I am not sure how he stumbled upon my blog, but he did and wrote to tell me about his special needs son in which I wrote about here .  Holy cow what a year can do! It never ceases to amaze me.  Today Tapp is doing well and happens to be insanely gorgeous.  Will he have his struggles? Yes he will, just as Paxton will. Will we as their parents have ours?  Yes we will and yet there is something comforting in the fact that as alone as we all can feel at times, there are people all over going through similar things.  As I sat at a stop light reading...